Submissive Blog Hop Challenge #4/ Questioning Your Submission

Questioning Your Submission

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?


Links to others responses here.

Wow, where to start with this one?  I think I'll start with the second question.  "Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?" 

Yes.  Many many times, I agonized for years about even approaching Master about the subject.  I forget how I actually came across the knowledge of BDSM, but once I learned about it, I researched it, thought about it, tucked it away as a fantasy, thought about it more, researched it more, tried to bury it deeper.  Again, this went on for years, about 10 years now or so.  I thought there must be something wrong with me.  I was raised by a grandmother who was in charge.  My sister is what I viewed to be a feminist (turns out, she is a Sub as well!), I grew up with many women around me that were in charge, weren't going to be told what to do by men.  My many friends, coworkers, whatever, that were female, also would make comments about men not knowing anything, that they were the ones in charge, etc, etc.  So I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't want to be that way.  I am a control freak, but I wanted to be at the mercy of a man (my husband).  I wanted him to run the house, to have a firm hand with me.  Hell, I would love it if we had a relationship where I was micromanaged.  

I also was sure that Master would think I was....sick, for lack of a better word.  Not only did I want to be a housewife, caring for the house, taking care of Master, and our daughter, but I wanted rules, punishment, and on top of that, bondage and pain.  I thought for sure something was wrong with me.  Thankfully, Master was understanding, and willing to learn and try.  

As for the first question: "Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you?"

Again, yes.  But, I am of the line of thinking that while your fetish may not be my fetish, as long as no one is (unwillingly) being hurt, do what you want.  One thing I really don't get are brats.  I don't understand why you would WANT to misbehave.  

Don't get me wrong, Master and I tease, and play.  It's all in good fun.  But the girls that are bad on purpose, why would you want to make your Master mad?  That is the last thing I want to do, to make Master disappointed in me.  I want to make him proud of me, happy, glad to have me as his submissive.  Otherwise, what is the point?  

With this question, there is actually more that I wish I could do that others get to do, than what I dislike.

But I'm learning to accept what I crave, that it's ok for me to want to be controlled, that it's ok for me to defer to my Master.  I love asking his permission for things, like getting a pop, or spending more.  There are times when it's inconvientent, but I have learned to ask ahead of time, or just go with out.  

I am happy with our life now, and looking forward to where it is headed.  I wouldn't have it any other way.