Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Motivation for weight loss

I know I need to lose weight, I need to be healthier, eat healthier, be more active.  And I should want to do it just to be healthy, be a better me.  But you know what, that's not why I want to do it.

I want to do it to look sexy, to feel sexy, to be more bendy and flexible.
I want to be able to do Cosplay next year at Comic-Con
I want to be able to go to The Detroit Erotica Ball next year, and dress appropriately.
I want to be able to look better at MiRF.

I want men to want me and I want my Master to be proud that he has me.

Now I need to figure out how to remember that when I want to eat......

Friday, April 26, 2013


Ok, need to get back to blogging, and I came across this meme on a blog I follow and I figured it would be a good jumping off point to get back in the swing of things.

1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?
Anything, Sports, Walking Dead, NCIS, Law and Order, CSI, I could go on and on.

2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?
Thousand Island or Blue Cheese, or Ranch

3. The most striking thing about his physical appearance?
How tall he is

4. You go out to eat and have a drink; what does he order?
Water or an iced tea

5. Where did he go to high school?

6. What size shoe does he wear?
Size 13

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?
Corned beef

9. What would he eat every day if he could?

10. What is his favorite cereal?
Frosted Flakes

11. What would he never wear?
Women's clothes (although I'm working on getting him in a kilt)

12. What is his favorite sports team?
Michigan teams.  

13.Who did he vote for?
Not our current president

14. Who is his best friend?
I would say me.  

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do?
Argue with him or raise my voice at him

16. What is his heritage?
German, possibly Polish

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind?
Chocolate, I guess, he wouldn't really care.

18. Did he play sports in high school?
No because he was too busy working and partying.

19. What could he spend hours doing?
Watching sports and surfing the web

20. What is one unique talent he has?
He's very light on his feet, he can sneak up on you easily.

Please feel free to use this meme on your blog to share some little-known facts about your partner.

Sunday, February 24, 2013


I'm getting so down and frustrated, if it's not one thing, it's another.  Master has been out of work since June.  We got behind on the mortgage, we caught up.  We get behind on other bills, we are caught up.  Our most reliable car died.  Our other car is barely hanging on.  Dad and step mom loaned us money to get a "new car"  that broke down a week later, we fixed that.  Step mom is already asking for payments on the loan, we can barely pay our monthly bills as is, and we aren't paying any of our credit card debt.

Work sucks, one of my coworkers that I'm closest to transferred, but on a plus side, my direct boss got laid off (while she was on medical leave).  But, with her leaving, some of my co-workers, whom she let slide on a bunch of stuff, have developed really shitty attitudes, and basically are barely working now.  Leaving me and the other person behind the line to pull all the weight.

Master and I have both been struggling, all of this has caused me some serious bouts of depression, causing me to shut down at times, basically working, and sleeping.  Then I've been sick, the last couple weeks with a small head cold, not super bad, but bad enough to keep me from getting stuff done, and then, last night, when I'm finally feeling well enough, and time allowed, Master and I were going to have play time, I ended up with tummy issues.  Not sure if it's something I ate, or the beginning of the flu, but I was so upset.

I just want things to go good for a while, while things could always be worse, I would love to have a nice, happy, good streak.

Friday, January 25, 2013

No Spring Chicken

Damn I'm tired.  Master and I stayed up and caught up on some of our shows, Haven and American Horror Story, it was a great evening.  But I'm paying for it today, I'm sooo freaking tired.

It amazes me that I used to be able to stay up till all hours of the night, and then get up two hours later and work all day.  Now, I could go to bed at 8, get up at 8 and still be tired.

Tomorrow I run a race, I don't think I'll be doing much running, I'm old and tired, sore.  Plus it's freaking cold!  After tomorrow, I'm going to rest for a while, and then, especially once it warms up, I'll start back from scratch, going slow, little at a time, building up to longer runs, so I am not always sore like now.

I can't wait for the weekend!

Thursday, January 24, 2013


It's strange how things affect me, how some days one thing can bother me, and another day it won't.  I don't know what it is that makes the difference.

I think it's the glimmer of hope, the fact that I see that small sparkle on the horizon, a glimpse of things yet to come, small though they may be right now, they are signs of bigger and better things yet to come.

Tomorrow I get to work at the other branch, which, while they are short staffed, I still will have an easier time of it.  Plus I'll get to go home for lunch, which is a nice thing.

I have the whole weekend off, I am "running" a 5k Saturday, and then Sunday I will do nothing.

I'm considering asking Master if we can do a day where we can turn off all technology.  Funny thing is, I think it would be hardest for me to do.

Getting tired, off to watch more American Horror Story, we are catching up on our shows tonight, it's been a great way to spend the evening together.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Better day

So, I was in a better mood today, but poor DD was not.  She sobbed all morning while getting ready for school, I let her stay home today.  She's a smart girl, missing a day won't hurt her, and she seems to be in much better spirits tonight.  I miss spending time with her, I hate working full time, but I have to do what I have to do, so it is what it is, I just need to learn to spend more time with her when we can.

Some changes are taking place in the workplace, I'm going to apply for a higher position, but if I don't get it, I may not have my job anymore, I don't know what is going to happen, I'm hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.  The one change that happened so far is, in my opinion, for the better, I can only hope that things continue that way.

Two more days and I have the weekend off, can't wait to sleep in and have family time.

Plus Master said we may be able to go sex toy shopping when we get our tax return back.  Now I REALLY want his W2 to come in!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Lost that loving feeling

For everything.

I swear I may be suffering from depression. But I feel like there is nothing I can do about it.  We have no insurance and no money.  We are skipping paying bills to have money to buy gas to get me to work, that is how little money we have.

So, there is nothing I can do as far as seeking professional assistance.

I don't want to have sex anymore, I don't want to read, write, play games, do anything anymore, I don't want to have play time with Master anymore.

The only thing I am able to do most days is get to work, and I think that takes all of the energy I can muster to do.  And I feel like I am barely doing my job most days.

I'm burned out.  I need a break, I need things to go my way for once.

I am so sick of working, it was bad enough when I went back to work to help out with the bills so we could catch up on our debt, but then Master got laid off in June, and now we don't even have enough money for our basic bills.  I don't know what to do.  I'm so tired and frustrated all the time, all I do when I am home is eat, and lay in bed, watch tv and sleep.

I don't like feeling this way, but I don't know what to do to feel better.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Still here

Not doing well at all though, Master has been laid off since June 22.  We are falling behind on our mortgage payment, my truck died, so I had to borrow money from my dad and step mom, and I'm afraid we bought a piece of crap, I hate my job, and just so much seems to be not going our way.

I should probably start blogging again, that may help, I'm just always either at work, or tired, so tired. I hate winter, I hate so much right now.  I miss the me I used to be.