Thursday, May 31, 2012


Just found out we will be having a mini vacation next weekend!

SO looking forward to that!

That's it for tonight, I'm super tired and burned out!

Tomorrow, I begin writing a book!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Damn you!

PMS is kicking my ass.  I've had to take Happy Camper a couple times, Midol a couple times.  I'm super tired, generally feeling down.  Not wanting to do anything.  Hating all the people around me (minus Master and DD of course!).  I've been craving crappy ass food, and all that.

I am fighting it, but losing the fight.  I hate this.  Plus I'm late.  I get to this point and I am actually HOPING I would start.

I just don't want to be tired anymore.  I don't want to be so down, and moody.  And I don't know how much of it is my PMS and how much is working full time and just being worn down from that.

Anyway, at least it's summer, that seems to help me fight this off.  I did manage two walks today, one at lunch and one with DD.

Now to finish my housework!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012


I have a feeling this will be one of those blogs that bounce around all over the place.

Today at work sucked.  The day after a holiday (when we are closed) is always crazy, cause we were closed for the day, and that means catch up on our part.  Sucks, then when you have a manager that isn't always there, and when he is, he stays in his office, add to that, an assistant manager who is sooooo freaking slow.  It just sucks.  Then, at 4:30, half an hour before close, just when everything is almost done and we are almost caught up, the Fucking computers go down!!!!!  It came up about 45 minutes after we closed.  So we only got out of work an hour late.  *sigh*

I got a work out in, that was nice.

Yesterday Master and I tried out him controlling me completely.  He chose all my meals, what I wore, what I did.  He did let me read a lot, and nap, which was nice.  I liked it for the most part.  I don't know if we can do that on a daily basis, but he did say he'd be willing to do that again this Sunday, which we both have off.  So I'm looking forward to that.

I am doing Camp NANOWRIMO this June.  I can't wait, I plan to try to write 2000 words a day, but we'll see where the story takes me.  I'm going to work on getting everything done, so I have an hour every night to write.  I'm hoping to self publish on Kindle.  And yes, this first book with be BDSM related.

I got my cane, but we've only played with it a little, I'm hoping for a really good caning soon.  I'll have to ask Master about that the next time we have a chance to play.

I guess that's it for now.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


I woke up this morning in a funk.  Not only in a funk, but feeling selfish.  I was unhappy with everything.  I want so much more.  I want what I see that other people have.  I want to have a M/s relationship like the ones I read about online.  I want to not have to work anymore. I want all our debt gone.  I want so much.

And normally I would feel selfish for feeling that way, but today I didn't.  In fact, I kept getting more and more pissed.  I was in a bad place.

I'm pretty sure it's PMS, but I just didn't give a shit.  I was in a bad place mentally.

I gave in while I was at work and took my Happy Camper.  And thank God it work!  I was in a much better mood the rest of the day.  So I was able to enjoy my lunch with Master and DD, make it through work, and, so far, enjoy my evening at home.

I ordered a cane last week.  It came Monday, but we haven't had a chance to use it yet.  I'm really hoping we get to break it in tonight!

If not, I may have to break out the Happy Camper again tomorrow.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Another week

So, here I sit, ready to begin another week.

I can not wait for the end of the school year, to have a little more free time.

Tomorrow is the last night of scouts.  Tuesday I get to go with DD to orientation for Middle School.  It seems like almost every night there is something going on.

But the funny thing is, I'll be ready for it all to start again come September.

Master has tomorrow off, I'm hoping he feels well enough to play tomorrow night.  He's been sick, and Friday and Saturday he was pretty bad off.  He slept most of the time from 10pm Friday night until 5 pm Saturday.  He seemed in better spirits today, so I'm hoping he keeps getting better.

So, here's to another week, planning to keep calm, do my best, and try to stay on top of things.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The little things

This is something I was going to post last night, but I got too tired.  Being in the cranky mood I am right now, it may do me some good to write this.

Yesterday Master did a couple things that, probably wouldn't mean anything to the average person, but to me they just made me love him more.

First off, it was DD's birthday yesterday.  He asked me to swap cars before I went to work and take "his" truck, cause she likes my truck better, and he was going to be driving her around.  I thought that was sweet.

Also, he pawned a ring.  He works in a restaurant, and people leave stuff behind all the time.  After a while, if they don't come get it, depending on what it is, he takes it.  He found a few rings, so yesterday, in order to be able to spoil DD a little on her birthday, he took them in and pawned the one that was worth anything.  He got enough money for us to do a nice dinner yesterday, and for them to do something fun today, like a movie or something.

I don't know why that affected me, but it did, it put me in a great mood the rest of the day.

But, he also affects me in other ways.

Last night, the two of us were exhausted.  By the time DD went to bed, it was 10, I had been up since 6, and he was running on not much sleep.  He was already dozing on the couch, so I climbed into bed at 10:30.  He followed me a few minutes later, and I was hoping he would try to fool around with me, but instead he snuggled me, and we both fell asleep.

I know we both needed the sleep, he slept most of the night, and I slept till 6, but I am cranky as all hell this morning.  I've noticed this happens anytime that Master is home for the night and we don't take advantage of it. I'm in a mood the next day.

I'm trying to shake it off, because he is off again today, and I don't want to be bitchy when we have time together.  But right now, I just feel like crying.

Monday, May 14, 2012

12 Years Ago

Twelve years ago today, I spent 22 out of 24 hours in labor.  From 2 am, until 3 am the following day, I was in labor.  Then my wonderful baby girl was born.

Tomorrow she will be 12.

I can't believe how quickly she has grown.  She is becoming quite the individual.  She is smart, funny, quirky, loving, caring, and wonderful.

She is autistic, and with each passing year she is learning to deal with, and handle, more and more.  Now, most people wouldn't even know, for the most part.

She is one of my best friends, and goes with me almost everywhere.  I have been able to do so many things, and meet so many people because of her.

I can't wait to see where the next 12 years take her, she will be 24 then, and I'm sure, doing so many wonderful things!

I love my girl!  And I thank God every day for blessing me with her!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Will power

I have none.

I want to lose weight, yet I eat and don't work out.

I want to write, yet I just find other things to do.

I want a clean house, yet I would rather play online.

I have to admit.  I did tackle some of the house today.  I wiped down the bathroom walls and ceiling with bleach and it looks tons better.

I also helped DD clean part of her room today.

I still need to tackle the kitchen, and some laundry.  Which I will start on after this blog.

I'm going to work on getting my routines down.  Becoming more disciplined, doing more to make the changes I want to make.

And, to those that are mothers, Happy Mother's Day!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Big Girl Panties

It's time to pull on my big girl panties and be a grown up.

I need to get my act together, stop spending so much time online, and watching tv, and more time cleaning and getting things done around the house.

My house is a disaster, and Master has just agreed to let us (DD, he and I) sign up to possibly be a host family for an exchange student.  Two weeks during the summer.

Not sure if they do a home inspection, I wouldn't be surprised if they did, but if they did it today, they would find my house a mess.

I am working on a list, both things that have to be done on a regular basis, and things that need to be done once (like recaulking the bathtub).

I plan to do a bunch of it this weekend, and then maintain it.  The biggest problem will be DD's room, which makes the rest of the house look clean and organized.  Normally I don't care, but she wants to have a sleep over for her birthday next weekend, and then, if we get to, the exchange student will have her room for the two weeks, and DD will be in the library room.

SO, tomorrow, despite my busy schedule, I will be putting on my big girl panties, and getting shit done.  Time to start behaving like a grown up!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Fresh Air

Both literally and figuratively.

All the windows are open in the house, and there is a nice cool breeze blowing through the house.  It's nights like this that I sleep so well!  I can't wait to crawl into bed.

It's also the weekend, and Master will be home all weekend with me.  At least, once he gets home tonight (tomorrow).  It will be so nice to have some time with him, without too many other commitments.  And, the commitments we do have are DD involved, so it's a family thing anyway!

And, today was my last day at work at the old branch.  I will say, other than one person, I won't really miss that branch at all.  There are just too many people only worried about themselves and not how the branch is run, or helping each other.  It will be so nice to be done with that.

I'm still not sure how everything will work with me being full time, but it's what's got to be done for our family right now, so I will do it.  And we will make it work.  I'm just going to miss Master soo much!

Well, I should be off to bed.  Master mentioned ropes and whips this weekend, so here's hoping for some excitement!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Trying not to overthink

So, today was my first day working at my new branch.  I'm there Thursday as well, then Monday I start full time.

Over all it was good, all but one person was super friendly and nice.  And not that the one person was mean, she was just keeping to herself, and that may just be how she is, I don't know.

I think part of the problem is, I have already worked with the boss, and he and I get along well enough now.  Although, I used to not like him that much.  And I'm wondering how many people aren't getting along with him now, since he's just been there a few weeks.  And I wonder if that is reflecting on me.

If it is, whatever, I don't care.  I plan to learn to do my job well, and do it well.  I need to get my act together and get some referrals at this branch too.

Anyway, I'm super tired.  I may have to go to bed earlier, or at least no later than 11 on work nights.  And, since I still have a bit of picking up to do, I'm cutting this short.  Good thing is, I don't work till 11 tomorrow, so I can nap a bit before work!

Oh, and Master, he is awesome!  More on that tomorrow!