Friday, January 25, 2013

No Spring Chicken

Damn I'm tired.  Master and I stayed up and caught up on some of our shows, Haven and American Horror Story, it was a great evening.  But I'm paying for it today, I'm sooo freaking tired.

It amazes me that I used to be able to stay up till all hours of the night, and then get up two hours later and work all day.  Now, I could go to bed at 8, get up at 8 and still be tired.

Tomorrow I run a race, I don't think I'll be doing much running, I'm old and tired, sore.  Plus it's freaking cold!  After tomorrow, I'm going to rest for a while, and then, especially once it warms up, I'll start back from scratch, going slow, little at a time, building up to longer runs, so I am not always sore like now.

I can't wait for the weekend!

Thursday, January 24, 2013


It's strange how things affect me, how some days one thing can bother me, and another day it won't.  I don't know what it is that makes the difference.

I think it's the glimmer of hope, the fact that I see that small sparkle on the horizon, a glimpse of things yet to come, small though they may be right now, they are signs of bigger and better things yet to come.

Tomorrow I get to work at the other branch, which, while they are short staffed, I still will have an easier time of it.  Plus I'll get to go home for lunch, which is a nice thing.

I have the whole weekend off, I am "running" a 5k Saturday, and then Sunday I will do nothing.

I'm considering asking Master if we can do a day where we can turn off all technology.  Funny thing is, I think it would be hardest for me to do.

Getting tired, off to watch more American Horror Story, we are catching up on our shows tonight, it's been a great way to spend the evening together.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Better day

So, I was in a better mood today, but poor DD was not.  She sobbed all morning while getting ready for school, I let her stay home today.  She's a smart girl, missing a day won't hurt her, and she seems to be in much better spirits tonight.  I miss spending time with her, I hate working full time, but I have to do what I have to do, so it is what it is, I just need to learn to spend more time with her when we can.

Some changes are taking place in the workplace, I'm going to apply for a higher position, but if I don't get it, I may not have my job anymore, I don't know what is going to happen, I'm hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.  The one change that happened so far is, in my opinion, for the better, I can only hope that things continue that way.

Two more days and I have the weekend off, can't wait to sleep in and have family time.

Plus Master said we may be able to go sex toy shopping when we get our tax return back.  Now I REALLY want his W2 to come in!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Lost that loving feeling

For everything.

I swear I may be suffering from depression. But I feel like there is nothing I can do about it.  We have no insurance and no money.  We are skipping paying bills to have money to buy gas to get me to work, that is how little money we have.

So, there is nothing I can do as far as seeking professional assistance.

I don't want to have sex anymore, I don't want to read, write, play games, do anything anymore, I don't want to have play time with Master anymore.

The only thing I am able to do most days is get to work, and I think that takes all of the energy I can muster to do.  And I feel like I am barely doing my job most days.

I'm burned out.  I need a break, I need things to go my way for once.

I am so sick of working, it was bad enough when I went back to work to help out with the bills so we could catch up on our debt, but then Master got laid off in June, and now we don't even have enough money for our basic bills.  I don't know what to do.  I'm so tired and frustrated all the time, all I do when I am home is eat, and lay in bed, watch tv and sleep.

I don't like feeling this way, but I don't know what to do to feel better.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Still here

Not doing well at all though, Master has been laid off since June 22.  We are falling behind on our mortgage payment, my truck died, so I had to borrow money from my dad and step mom, and I'm afraid we bought a piece of crap, I hate my job, and just so much seems to be not going our way.

I should probably start blogging again, that may help, I'm just always either at work, or tired, so tired. I hate winter, I hate so much right now.  I miss the me I used to be.