Monday, January 2, 2012


I'm an insecure person.  I'll admit it.  If it's something that I don't know much about that I have to do, I ask tons of questions, cause I'm worried I'll get it wrong.  And when it comes to relationships, it sucks.

I am constantly driving Master crazy, asking him if he is ok.  While sometimes that does mean, the general, are you ok, sometimes it means, are you happy, are you mad?  Should I do something, do you want something, do you need something?  My are you ok's mean that I'm feeling insecure a lot of the time.  The problem is, a lot of time, I end up pissing him off.

Last night I had a dream that he left me.  I can't remember why, but that really bothers me when I have those dreams.  I wake up, feeling the same emotions I felt in the dreams many times, and some times, they are very hard to shake.  

I believe part of the problem is that we haven't had a lot of time together.  And, the time we have had together, has been spent with at least one of us, some times both of us, sleeping.  

I feel out of touch with him, and he's been working super hard at work, so when he is home, he's tired.  I know that, and I know he does love me, but sometimes (lots of times) I need to hear it, and not just in a normal "I love you" way.  

There are times when he will goose me, if I'm near where he is, or smack my ass.  Sometimes he will come up behind me and kiss my neck, or grab my boobs.  Every so often he will tell me how good I look.

One thing that did happen last week, that really made me feel good, was he stayed up, worried about me, when I had to do to the clinic for my eye.  I didn't send him updates, because I assumed he was asleep (he had just gone to bed about an hour before), and when he started texting me, wanting to know what was going on, I was surprised, and very happy.  When I finally got home, he was still up, and when I told him I was surprised that he was up, he said he was worried about me.  That meant a lot!

I know I need to get over this, somehow, but I'm not sure how.  

I am just happy my Master loves me, inspite of my flaws!  

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