Sunday, March 23, 2014

Internal struggles

I've stated before that I sometimes feel like I have multiple personalities, that there are many pieces of me.  Part of this problem is that it causes me to struggle internally at times.

Like today.  Sundays, Master doesn't have to start work until late.  So we have a good chunk of the day to spend together.  When Master is home, I don't like to do anything but spend time with him, so that's what I do.  We just chill out in the living room, and watch tv, I often work on a project, and he places on the laptop.  And that's what we did today.

But then I look around the house and see all the things I could/should have done.  The bathroom that needs to be scrubbed down, the laundry I could have had all done, the dishes piling up in the sink, the floor that needs to be vacuumed and the cluttered basement that needs tons of work.

There are days, like tonight, when all of that bothers me, when I want to have a spotless and clean house, and there are days when I could care less.  When I prefer to enjoy my time at home doing things I enjoy, as opposed to spending it all cleaning.  Because, I feel that I could spend all my time at home cleaning, and it would never be clean enough.

I know, for the most part, it doesn't bother Master. As long as the basics are kept up, he's good.  So I guess I shouldn't sweat it.  But there are days I do, and that's my conflict.  Whether to get off my lazy ass and make my house beautiful, or to just do what needs to be done, when I can do it, and not sweat it.

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