30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 30

WOW!  I did this, I followed it all the way to the end!  So here goes:

Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

I'm super tired, so I don't really know what to write.  I do know that while I was struggling last week with my submissiveness, and just missing Master in general, this week is going out standing.  We had a very awesome play session on Monday, that was much needed, followed by a good spanking on Tuesday night.  I am excited about the way our relationship is going, both in the bedroom and out, kink and non kink.  I feel with every email, every sexual act, every moment we have together our relationship is growing stronger and stronger.  I love my Master very much, and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him, loving and serving him, in whatever way we see fit.

Thank you Master, I love you!

And now, back to our regularly scheduled blogging!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 29

Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. Mistress, Master, slut, pig, whore, princess, Goddess, Ma'am, Sir)?  What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

I do not have a title, although I would like to.  Master does call me pet names, my favorite being baby girl.  I call him Master, when we are in private, and Daddy or Babe when our daughter is around.

I will admit, there is a little part of me that wonders what it would be like to be called slut.  I think to start off in the bedroom, and take it from there.  Just the thought of him calling me his little slut turns me on.  Or him saying things like "You like that don't you, slut?" while fucking me....mmmm.  Or "Slut, did you wash my work pants yet?"  sigh.  But who knows, if he actually did start saying that I may not enjoy it as much as I think I will.  But I would like to find out.

But Baby Girl, that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside when I hear it.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 28

How do you dress for kink/BDSM play?  What significance does your attire have to you?

Usually, I'm naked.  Today, I was lucky enough to wear my play collar.   I love it.  It automatically makes me all submissive, and turned on.  I do wish that I was told what to wear more in general, that Master had specific things in mind for me to wear, but he doesn't, at least, not yet.  Also, maybe once I loose more weight, I'll have some fun things to wear to bed.  That's a nice goal to have.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 27

Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities?  If so, how?

To be honest, no, not that I can think of.

I know, lame, but I can't really think of a time that it has happened.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 26

What's your opinion on online BDSM play?

I think that it's great for people that are in a long distance relationship, but I can't see it really comparing to the real thing.

Short but sweet answer, since I'm up too late!

SGBHC #5

That Submissive Feeling
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/02/sgbhc-5-that-submissive-feeling/comment-page-1/#comment-6750

What brings out your most powerful submissive/slave mindset? Is it a regular occurrence in your life or do you long for that submissive/slave feeling more often?

Share a time where you felt your most submissive.

Funny that this should be the topic, as it's currently something I'm struggling with right now.  I've been feeling lost and out of touch with my submissiveness, and I think a big part of it is not enough time with Master.

Times I've noticed that my mindset is more focused is when I'm able to be with him more, to serve him directly, instead of indirectly.  For example, bringing him a drink, as opposed to washing dishes.  I hope that makes as much sense to others as it does to me.  

There are also times during play that really bring it into focus for me.  Having my hair pulled, being spanked, and anal play are my three big triggers.  Give me a play session with any one, or a combo of those things, and I'm in a sub mindset for a few days at least.

Also anytime Master uses his dominance with me.  Be it placing an order for me when we are eating out, telling me directly to do something, or anytime he has given me a rule to follow.

I wish I could focus on being a submissive more, but, life gets in the way far too much for my liking, especially lately.  Master and I are still really green to all this too, so I'm hoping as we continue this journey I have more time to focus on serving him.  

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 25

How open are you about your kinks?

Depends.  Online, under my alter ego name, I'm very open.  Like here on this blog, I could write all day about my kinks.

With my Master, the same.

I have a sister, and also my BFF that know a lot.

That's about it.

I would love to be more open about my kinks.  But it's not always the best idea.  Plus, Master has asked me not to be too open about it, thus my alter ego.

But I would love to be more open about it.  Maybe one day.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 24

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I'll go with my Master's best qualities.

He is kind, loving, caring, dependable, forgiving, determined, hard working, loyal, funny, great in bed, dominant, open, laid back, a great father, patient, sweet, handsome, he has beautiful eyes, a great protector and provider.

I could go on and on.  I'm so lucky to have him, he puts up with so much, and doesn't ask for anything in return.  I adore him and I am so happy that I have him for the rest of my life.  I only wish we had more time together!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 23

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed?  How so?

I think if anything, it has made me more open minded about other people.  I still have little tolerance for stupid or rude people, but I'm not as quick to judge people. I also find I spend a lot more time thinking about Master and ways to make our relationship stronger.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 22

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?  How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I do not think there is a difference.  All relationships take trust, honesty, and respect.  In my opinion, they also take at least a certain amount of love.

I'm sure I should go into more detail, but I have a lot I need to get done tonight.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 21

What is your favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)?

I'm going with fiction.

It really depends on what I'm looking for, but I'm going to go with the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy.

I love the whole series, my favorite of the 3 is the first one.

Now, I also have read (a few times) The Story of O, which I enjoy.  And, I'll admit, guilty pleasure, I enjoy the books of Gor.

But so far, my favorite, fiction, is Sleeping Beauty.

I haven't read a lot of non fiction, other than blogs, so I'm not sure where I stand with those.

I would love to expand my BDSM/kink related library though!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 20

Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you're curious about/don't understand.

Ok, there are a few things I don't understand.

I don't understand the brats, the subs or slaves that are on purpose bratty.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I play with Master, I tease him.  But I would never be defiant or bratty just because.  And I try really hard to keep my attitude in line (and trust me, he has put me into place the few times I've forgotten).  So I don't understand why you would want to be bad like that.

I also just don't understand the whole pet play thing.  Or furries.  I don't see anything wrong with either, I just don't get it.

But then, I'm sure there are people out there that don't get my kinks.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 19

Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

I don't know if this was exactly unexpected, but I feel that it has strengthened my marriage.  One of the main reasons being, I am more open and honest with my Master now.  I share every thing with him, I check with him on his opinions on many things now.  More than I did before.  I tell him much more about myself now too, I'm more transparent with him.  I tell him my true feelings about things, and how I'm feeling often.

The fact that we email daily helps me share my thoughts and feelings with him, as does this blog.

The fact that I share so much more of my inner most feelings with him makes me feel closer to him.

I cherish him so much, and being His slave makes me want to please Him so much.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 18

Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?

You know, I think my main ones are people thinking that if you don't do things they way they do, that you aren't doing it right.

I'm not talking about things that actually matter how you do them, like things that could cause serious harm.

I'm talking about, if you don't kneel at your Master's feet instead of sitting in a chair, you're not a REAL slave.  If you don't do this you're not a true submissive.  You're not a REAL Dom if you don't do...whatever.

That is garbage!

Also, just the rudeness on websites.  Like people think, oh, this site deals with sexual stuff, so I can be a juvenille jack ass.

Those are my pet peeves!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 17

What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

There are a few.  But the main one is, that there is something wrong with us, that we are freaks.  The fact is, I'd bet that people deal with kinky people many times a day and have no clue.  Not all kinky people walk around with a collar on, or wearing all black, or corsets, or what every your stereo typical picture of a kinky person is. They are mom's, dad's, aunt's, uncle's, grandparents.  They are teachers, ministers, leaders, volunteers,.  They are kind, giving people.  A great many of them are very very wonderful people.  I won't say all, because, let's face it, in every group of people, there are assholes.

That' why I hate when things like this happen:

There was a murder locally.  Of course, the focus is on the husband first.  Then it turns out he's into BDSM.  He owns a bar, there is a dungeon in the basement.  He had slaves or subs that called him Master.

So that is the focus.  That must be the problem, he's a freak, and that's why he murdered his wife.

I hate HATE that people judge things they don't understand.

Now, I'm not saying he's innocent, I don't know if he is or not.  BUT!  Just because he's into BDSM doesn't mean he is a murderer.

Just because I like being tied up and spanked, doesn't mean I want a man that is abusive.  There IS a difference.

People need to LEARN about things they don't understand.  I'm not saying you have to want to do it yourself.  I don't want to be in a poly relationship, but I learn about them, because there are people out there that are poly, and I want to understand them.

I think if people tried to understand each other more, there would be more love in this world.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 16

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Ok, the biggest problem for me is having to censor myself around other people.  There are so many times I've wanted to just say things like "My husband won't allow that."  or "I have to ask my Husband's permission first." Most times I can just word things a different way.

The other day my boss came up to me and asked about my bracelets.  They are basically friendship bracelets that I made, but the represent wrist cuffs to me.  I have them on my ankles, and one around my neck, that is my collar.  While it's not exactly what I want, it will have to do for now.  Anyway, he asked "So, you follow the Kabalah?" I said "No, that's just one wrist, and a piece of red yarn.  I have two on, and they are black and blue." (Yes, the colors were picked on purpose, Master's and my favorite colors) Then he said "Then why do you wear them?"  I WANTED to tell him why, to explain they are to help remind me of my place.  To remind me that I'm owned, and that I am to do what Master wishes.  What I said however was "It's my own religion."

Times like that, I wish I could speak more freely without any fear of negative consiquences.

THAT is the most difficult aspect to me.

There are other aspects that are hard, but that's the one I've struggled the most with lately.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 15

Write about a BDSM/kink activity you're curious about and would like to try.

There are sooo many things I want to try.  But for this, I'm going with caning.

First off, it would be cheap to get a cane. Most I've seen are under 10 dollars, and MANY under 5.

I know there is certain ways you are supposed to use a cane.  I would be more than willing to do research on this too, to "teach" Master how to cane me the right way.

Just one of the many things I want to try, one thing at a time!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 14

How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven't experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Time.

Time is the factor that messes with real life BDSM/kink.

There isn't enough of it.  We have to work, we have to clean the house, we have to run errands, we have commitments that we have to meet.  It sucks.

You can't always walk around the house naked, with a collar on.  Especially not if  you have kids, or mixed company over.

You have to keep things private, you have to worry about what others think, unfortunatly.  Which is a part I struggle with.  There is a part of me that wants to wear a full collar, all day, every day.  I want to be open about my submission to my husband.  But I can only say so much, for fear it's used against me or Him in some way.

There are consequences to actions in real life, in fantasy, there are none.

Those are just some of the differences, as I see them.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 13

Explain, as best you can, what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you're drawn to?

The appeal?  It depends on which aspect of BDSM/kink we are talking about.

When it comes to D/s or M/s it's pleasing Master.  The knowledge that the things I do make him happy, makes me happy.  Also, giving up control.  I am a control freak, but for some reason, knowing he is in ultimately in control, is such a freeing, wonderful feeling.  It's also exciting to me.  To know that if, at any time, he were to decide to bend me over and fuck me, he could, that is exciting!  To know that he can just grab me by the hair and kiss me, should he want to, he could, and I couldn't say anything about it.  I love that feeling.  To hear him say "Good Girl" when I do something that makes him happy, that feeling is better than anything.  Those two simple words are what makes me happiest.

As far as the bedroom kinky stuff, it's all about pleasure there.  Both mine and Master's.  I love cumming myself, but I also LOVE making Master cum.  To see my hands, wrapped around his hard cock, stroking it, playing with it, I love it!

I also love the feeling I get when Master is especially forceful.  The reminder that I am weaker than he is, that even if I wanted to fight him off, I couldn't.  That he can, in theory, make me do whatever he pleases, that gives me butterflies in my tummy!  I love that feeling!

Those are just a few reasons I am drawn to kink/BDSM.  There is so much more to it, but it's so hard to explain.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 12

Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you've had.  If you haven't had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Ok, the only one I have, that is funny and embarrassing, is farting when Master was playing with my ass.  

Not a long story, but, looking back, it was funny.  At the time I was mortified!  

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 11

What are your views on the ethics of kink?


My views on the ethics of kink are my views on ethics in general.  


Feel free to do what you want, as long as it doesn't hurt others. 


I feel that way about religions, as long as you aren't hurting anyone, believe what you will.  It doesn't hurt me if you don't believe in God, it doesn't hurt me if you want to worship cows, trees, whatever.  I will respect you and your beliefs, as long as you respect me and mine!


When it comes to kink, it's the same way.  I don't want to be pissed on, but if that is your thing, have at it, as long as you, and the person doing the pissing is good with it, why should it bother me.


I'm not gay, but I have no problem with anyone who is.


I don't want to change my gender, or cross dress, but I have no problem with anyone who does.  


Harm none and do as ye will.


That is my life motto.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 10

What are your hard limits?


These are really easy for me.


No scat
No urine 
No animals
No age play (or children)
No incest




Those are off the top of my head, but those are the ones FOR SURE I have no interest in. 

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 9

Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

I'm Your Man

Everybody Knows

S & M

I Like it Rough

Hanky Panky

There are tons more songs that turn me on, but these are the closest to being actually kink related.  LOVE them!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 8

Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Oh good, this should be easy, I have a migraine today (second day without pop!)

From Secretary

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 7

What's your favorite toy?

Well, I'm assuming Master doesn't count, so, there are two.

1.  I don't have one now, but the rabbit vibrators, like this.  I love them, especially the ears.  I'm all about the clit.  LOVE having my clit stimulated!

2. And  this is a toy I wish I could play with more!  This.  I would love to find a butt plug like this, that I could wear out and about, with out worrying about it falling out.

Those are the toys I enjoy playing with the most at this point in time.  I would love to play with more things like canes, floggers, whips, etc.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 6

Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

This is a bad night for me to do this, I'm super tired, up too late, and need to get up early, but here goes.

I would like a day where I could be naked all day, nothing but a collar, and slave bells on.  I have a list of chores to do, around the house.  Master is home all day as well.  I am to do everything for him, fetch whatever he wants, cook, and serve him food.  I give him massages, I bring him drinks, I spend the day doing everything for him.  I kneel at his feet when I'm not needed to do something. I must ask permission to leave his side for anything, if I want food, or a drink.  I may not be on the computer, I may watch tv, but only what Master wants to watch.  Through out the day, when ever the mood strikes Master, I must pleasure him, either orally, with my hands, or if He likes, he will fuck me, either my pussy or my ass.  I would also like to have to wear a butt plug through out the day.   I would like to end the day with a good bondage session, being tied to the bed, spanked, have a belt used on me, maybe a cane, or flogger or some hot wax.  And then be good and used by Master again for his pleasure.

Oooo, maybe I have to wear nipple clamps at sometime during the day too.

That sounds like fun.  Not sure if it's super weird, or intereasting, but it sounds good.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 5

What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven't had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Well, first off this all depends on ones definition of kinky.  My first sexual experience was when I was 14, not very good.  My first time having a boy go down on me, I was about 17, good experience.  The first time I gave a boy a blow job, was 16, bad experience.  My first (and only) three some, I was 18, and it was a HORRIBLE experience.  (Two boys, and myself, I got left out).  My first orgasm during sex (quite possibly my first orgasm that I didn't give myself) was from Master.  First time being tied up, was with Master, first time with hot wax, spanking, nipple clamps, etc.  Was with Master.

I still consider myself to be a novice when it comes to kinky.  Although, I have talked to some people that make me feel like a true whore with my experience and knowledge.  There are a great many things I want to try or get better at.  And I'm so happy I will get to do them all with Master.  I'm also so lucky to have a husband that is willing to try all this with me.  He was willing to become my Dominant, and then my Master.  He's willing to spank me, pull my hair, cover me in hot wax, tie me up, and so many other things I request to try.

I love him so much!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 4

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

For the most part, no.  The only one I can honestly say yes about is being submissive.  I have always been a people pleaser.  I always wanted to make everyone around me happy.  I would do whatever was asked of me, if I thought it would make people happy.  I would go with out, do things I didn't want to do, that kind of stuff.  I gravitated to leaders, I also, almost always, dated guys that were older than me.  The biggest age difference being between my Master and I.  (13 years and 13 days apart).  So, looking back, I would say that yes, I can see my submissive tendencies in my past, but things like spankings, hot wax, being tied up. Nope, didn't see that coming.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 3

How did you discover you were kinky?

Ahhh, the signs were there long long ago in my opinion.  And, I even think I had a semi kinky relationship before I even realized what was going on, but more on that later.

I have always been submissive in nature, even as a girl, with my female friends, I was the follower, and I had two friends growing up that were, in my opinion, leaders.  In fact, I know one, is a Domme now.  In fact, one time she made a passing comment about me making a good submissive, and if I was bi she would love to train me.  That was in high school.  I didn't really grasp what she meant at that time.

I dated someone that I *think* was trying to make me a sub, with out just coming out and saying it.  I look back at how the relationship was, and see some signs that pointed in that direction, but who knows, maybe he didn't realize what he was doing either.

But, where I REALLY learned about BDSM and what led me to learning about oh so many kinks, was Sims Online.

I am a geek, and I LOVE Sims games.  (In fact, if I had a better laptop, I'm sure I would own and play Sims 3) So when Sims Online was out, I played, daily!  I would bounce around, checking out various places.  With my shyness, that also affects me online, I didn't make many friends, but somehow I stumbled across someone who was a sub.  She invited me to the house where she hung out at, and met many subs, and a few Masters and Misstress's.  They were all very nice, and the more I learned about their lifestyles, the more I wanted to know.  I asked a great many questions.  It all sounded so nice to me, but I was scared of what Master might think if I approached him.  This was a good 10 or so years ago, at LEAST.

On and off after that I would do research online, about BDSM, particularly being a sub.

Thankfully I got brave and approached Master about it a couple years ago, and since then we have been slowly working our way to figure out our kinky side of our relationship.  There are times where it's far slower than I'd like, and times, like this week, where I'm glad we are laid back, because I'm not feeling 100%, and therefore, less submissive.

So, that is how I got to where I am.  I still do lots of research on the subject, and learn about new kinks all the time.  I can't wait to see where Master and I end up!

30 Day BDSM Challenge Day 2

List your kinks.

Well......

Here is what I know I like:
Spanking (being spanked that is!)
Anal Play (working our way up to Anal sex, also love butt plugs!)
Hot Wax
Belly Dancing (watching and doing it myself)
Music (there are some songs that just turn me on!)
Having my hair pulled
Being bitten
Giving blow jobs (but my TMJ hinders that)
Sensory Depravation
Giving handjobs
Rough sex

There's lots lots more, and tons of stuff I'd like to try.

Here is a link to my Fetlife profile, that includes a more detailed list.  Autumn Raine Skye

A few other things, that turn me on, is Master's eyes, and when he calls me Baby Girl.  Or tells me to be a good girl.  mmmmm.  Wish Master was here now.