Goodbye 2011!!!

So, the year is almost over, there are only 3 and a half hours left in it.  And it's ending the same way it's been, not that great.

I have an eye infection, due to not taking out my contacts every night, make that, not taking out my contacts for months on end.  So, that has given me some issues.  My house is a wreck, I've half put away Christmas, laundry is backed up, I'm still on my period, blah blah blah.

But a new year is coming up, and I'm determined that even if the year isn't a great one, I will do my best to better myself in it.  I have (most of) my list of 52 things to do in 2012 up.  I have a few blank ones, but I'm sure I will come up with things to add to my list.  Either new habits, things I want to accomplish, or other things, in the upcoming year.  Each Saturday I will pick one to work on, starting tonight.

The first habit I plan to work on is reading the Bible daily.  I have bookmarks that list what to read each day, and if you do it daily, you can read through the Bible in a year.  This is something I've tried to do on and off for many years, and this year I'm going to do it!

There are many changes I'm going to make in the upcoming year, I'm excited about it.  I'm going to be a better me by the end of it!

Weepy

But not because I'm sad.

I have something wrong with my eye, either a sty, a blocked tear duct, or something.  It doesn't hurt, it's not red, the upper eye lid is a bit puffy and my eye keeps filling up with tears.  It's nothing more than an annoyance right now, hopefully it will go away before it gets worse.  Having no insurance, I really don't want to have to go to the dr.

Had a decent day at work today.  Despite my mood (started my period on Christmas), and my weepy eye (annoyance), I managed to have a conversation with my boss, about full time.  There is currently only one full time position at my level.  With it would come no pay raise, BUT it does come with other things that make me want it.  The main thing, being health insurance.  Plus, while not having an hourly increase, I would be paid 40 hours a week, compare to 25ish (depending on what I actually work) so it would be almost like getting a raise.  I did let my boss know I would love that job.  He also made a comment about what potential I have.  So, I need to buckle down at work.  Don't get me wrong, I work hard.  I have no problem with the actual work, and I have no problem with the customer service.  It's the sales.  I'm not good at sales.  But to be honest, I haven't been trying.  I need to change that.  Adding that to my resolutions.

I need to update my 52 things for next year.  That's next on my list of things to do tonight.  Along with watching The Big Bang Theory and de-Christmasing the house.  Both will be done by the end of the week.

Submissive Blog Hop Challenge #3 Is Submission a Gift?

Is Submission a Gift?
Submission is often described as the most precious gift a submissive can offer a Dominant. Others don’t believe that submission is a gift at all. What is your opinion about this? Once you have an opinion, then consider the other opinion and talk about how they could or could not be right as well. How would you describe your submission to your Dominant?

Click here to see other's responses

Is Submission a Gift?  My short answer, is yes.

My long answer is, it really depends, on who is submitting and who is being submitted to.

Even that's not really a long answer, here is my really long answer, and opinion.

MY submission is a gift.  I am a submissive person naturally, but I do not submit to ANYONE who does not treat me with respect.  Even if it's not sexual submission, or submission in the BDSM sense.  If you do not treat me with respect, I will not be a submissive person.
When it comes to sexual submission, or BDSM related submission, not only do you have to treat me with respect, but I have to feel your dominance.  I wouldn't be able to submit to someone who isn't a dominant person.  I'm too big of control freak, so I need someone really dominant to take control and take charge.
AND I have to trust you.  I am giving over control to you, giving you the reigns.  My submission to my Master is in ALL matters, and it's only because I can trust him, that I know he has my best interest, as well as his, and our whole family, in mind.  I have given him control over my life, and while many decisions he allows me to make, I know that if he doesn't think my decision is the best, he will say something.
To give control of your life to someone, you have to respect, and trust that person, and to be honest, both those things, having my respect and trust, is a gift as well, so why wouldn't my submission, which rests on those two things, be a gift.

For someone to be themselves, completely, around me.  To be able to let their guard down, relax and be themselves, around me, I consider that to be a gift to me, that they trust me enough to let me in.  And that is what I do as a submissive, I am myself, completely, to my Master. I give him my transparency, he knows me, inside and out, that is a gift, mine to give, and thankfully, his to take.  I like to think, that if I were a Domme, I would find it an honor when a submissive let me know them, inside and out.

I feel this isn't making much sense, but there it is.  I think submission is a gift.

And it's DONE!

Another Christmas come and gone.  It was a good one over all, despite dealing with my mother.  My sister and brother in law spoiled us, and bought all three of us Kindle Fires.  DD liked the gifts we got her as well.  It was a good time.  I was sad Master had to work on Christmas, but that is a given being where he works.

But, now that Christmas is over, I can not wait to get the decorations put away, and for everything to get back to normal.  I'm especially looking forward to the new year, to making differences, to better myself and my family.  I am determined to make 2012 a good year.  Money is still going to be tight, but that's ok.  It's my hope to get at least one of our 5 debts (not counting the mortgage) paid off.  At the rate I'm going right now, it should be done by Sept.  There are tons of other things I want to do too, which you can see on the page I have dedicated to it.

I found a website: http://idothisfor.me that should help me keep track, but I'm currently unable to add any habits or goals, so we'll see.

I plan to have the Christmas stuff packed up by the end of the week.  I work the rest of the week, but then I get a 3 day weekend.  After that, I should be pack to actual part time hours, which is a blessing and a curse.  Ah well, it is what it is.

Bring it ON!

I am officially ready for Christmas.

The gifts are bought, and wrapped.  The gifts from Santa, and stocking stuffers are set and hidden.  Groceries for our contribution to holiday parties are bought and ready to make.

Now I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall.

DD has been sick, thankfully, she is getting better.   Still sniffly, still coughing, still has a nasty cold sore on her lip, but she is getting better.

Friends and their families are sick.

Co-Workers are sick.

Not to mention the endless line of customers that come in complaining of being sick.

I'm just waiting to catch it.  I'm praying it will be after Christmas.

BUT!  If it's not, if God decides I am to be sick for Christmas, I am ready, my daughter and my Master will have a good Christmas, my sister and her husband will get gifts.  And to me, that's all that matters.

REALLY????

WHY!!!  Why is my daughter sick this close to Christmas.  Poor thing, last week had the sniffles.  Didn't think much of it, the weather keeps bouncing up and down, from the 20's to the 50's, and back again. I was sniffly myself, but felt fine otherwise.  Sunday night, had tickets to Cirque Dreams.  Went with a friend and DD's friend.  At intermission DD started crying, and she was burning up.  Needless to say we came home.  She stayed home sick the last two days, fever, runny nose, cough, and today a huge cold sore showed up on her lip.  She was taking a shower tonight, and ended up puking all over the bathroom.  She went to bed at 9, and by 9:20 she was sawing logs.  I scrubbed down the bathroom (and a good portion of the house, which I will finish tomorrow).  I'm hoping, for many reasons, that she will wake up tomorrow feeling better, but we will see.  I want to make plans, shit, we already have plans.  But now I feel like I'm holding my breath.  I don't know how she will be by then, and I have no clue if Master or I will come down with this.  It's making it's rounds, stupid people come into work sick all the time, and one of my co-workers was out sick today too.  Thank God I have tomorrow off.  I need to get back to taking my Vitamin C daily!

Praying for a healthy Christmas!

Pantie free day!

So, on Master's days off, I have a few special rules.  One is my hair must be down (he has allowed me to put it up on a few super hot days) and NO panties.

Originally, I thought that this would just make easier play access on days he was home, especially when I wasn't working.  To be honest, he hasn't really taken advantage of that, but I have discovered a few pleasant side effects from not wearing panties.

It has caused me to be much much more aware of my pussy.  I smell it.  At work, I have to crouch down to get my rolled coin, or on occasion for other things, I can't bend at the hips, it would make me dizzy, so when I need something low, I crouch, with my legs spread.  And boy, can I smell my pussy when I do that.  I have also discovered, I like the way my pussy smells.  Most of the time anyway.  I don't like the way it smells during my period, or right after my period.  But, like today, in the middle of my cycle, I find it to be a pleasant smell.

I am also aware how wet I get.  I'm not sure if it's because I'm aware that I'm pantiless, or if it's always that wet, and my panties normally absorb it, but I am wet most of the day.  Thankfully, not pants soaking wet, or running down my legs wet, but wet enough that I went to the bathroom a few times a day just to make sure my period hadn't started.

I wear pants most of the time, but on the occasions I do wear skirts, knee length skirts especially, I am also much more aware of how I move, how I sit, etc.  I'm not a lady like person.  I sit either Indian style, or with my legs spread, it's how I'm comfortable.  I rarely have my legs crossed, unless it's at the ankle.  But when I wear skirts with no panties I am very careful how I move, how I sit, getting in and out of the car, and don't get me started about going up stairs!!!!

I enjoy pantie free days, I wouldn't mind if Master requested it more often, but I'm not sure I could do it full time.  Maybe one day, we will see!

Almost, but not quite!

I'm a procrastinator.  It's one of the things I hate about myself.  I would get so much more done, and probably have more time to unwind and relax, if I would just get my shit done to begin with instead of putzing around.  I got home from work a little before 1:30, had lunch, and took a nap.  Now, I did need the nap, and it was only about 30 minutes, and it totally helped, but then I basically played games on Facebook the rest of the night.  I did get the house tidy, and I did help DD work on her room a little while, which is almost done, and I did get the chinchilla cage cleaned and the basement floor swept.  But, here I am, at 10:45, with more on my list todo.  Granted, I will have time to do it tomorrow, but, if I had it all done today, tomorrow could have been a blow off day totally.

I need to work on that in the new year, along with many other things.

Feeling on the Ball!

I like days like today.  While I didn't do everything I intended (like cleaning the Chinchilla cage), I am feeling more on top of things and positive.  I wish I knew what made the difference, why some days I feel like everything is good, I am in control, things are going to be ok, and why other days I feel like the world is caving in, everything is out of control, and gloom and doom.  I know part of it is sleep.  Other than that, I'm not sure.

I am looking forward to tomorrow.  I SHOULD be able to get my Christmas shopping done, I work a short shift, and Master has the day off!  We will be going out to dinner as a family, and I'm not sure what else.  I know sex is on the agenda as well, and THAT is something to look forward to!

I need to start blogging earlier in the evening. I'm sleepy, and heading to bed!

Blog Prompt: Why do I feel the need to change

Why do I feel the need to change.

This is something I am constantly doing, and it's because I want to be the best me I can be.

I know, that sounds cheesy, but it's true.  I'm constantly trying to be more organized, have a cleaner house, and better relationship with God, Master, family in general, friends.  I want to read more, work out more, be healthier, be smarter, have more time, feel more rested, do more, save more money, etc.  BUT!  I struggle with all of it.  Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, if I should just go with the flow, would I enjoy life more? Stress less? But then, I get something in my head, about how life should be, and then I go changing more.  I have a feeling I'll be this way the rest of my life.  I feel bad for Master, cause he has to deal with me getting my crazy notions on how things are going to be, and he is stuck going along for the ride.  But I'm usually doing what I do to make our lives better.  I hope he understands that.

7 is the magic number

Not 3 (for all you Schoolhouse Rock fans out there!)

Last week I was dragging ass all week.  I was trying to figure out why, and, while I know, part of it was due to being that time of the month, it was because I was only getting 6 hours of sleep.  I have also in the past, gotten TONS of sleep, and still dragged my ass.  But last night, I was in bed by 11, got up at 6, and got tons of stuff done before and at work.  I would have gotten more done before I crashed, but DD had her school Christmas Concert tonight, so we spent most of the evening dealing with that.

But now I have a problem.  I'll use tonight as an example.

Master is home, now, I could go to bed at 11, and get up tomorrow at 6 and get tons of stuff done around the house, cause I don't have to be at work till 11am.  BUT!  We were planning on fooling around.  Which would be fine, but Master is asleep.  Now, if I do stay awake, I could go back to bed for a while once DD goes to school, but then I'll get less done tomorrow.  I also don't know if 7 broken hours of sleep will work as well.

Anyway.  I got "good" news today at work.  They hired another teller.  So I'm going to be back to actual part time hours, instead of 36 hour weeks.  Don't get me wrong, I don't mind working, and I LOVE the paychecks, but I feel like I'm not able to get a damned thing done around the house.  And I don't get any time with Master, which sucks.  Like tonight.  It's time like these when I struggle with being a submissive, cause with out connecting with my Master, I feel lost.

When did that happen?

When did I become an adult?  I don't remember it happening, and I still feel like the same person (pretty much) as I did when I was 16.  I can be responsible, but I don't want to.  Then again, I wonder how many adults DO want to be responsible.  How many people would much rather just play, have fun, than work and such.

I also have a daughter on the verge of becoming a teen ager, and I hate that!  She is 11, but I swear to God she is already PMSing, and her moods are getting to be not so great.  I had a talk with her today, after my sister mentioned that she noticed a bit of an attitude from her.  I'm hoping that will help for a little while.

But I'm realizing I do need to suck it up, and start doing more, as much as I don't want to.

I'm thinking about making a list, of 52 things to do this year, one for each week.  Either a new habit, or something that I've been putting off for far too long.  I think it's a good idea, and for the rest of this year, I'll work on making the list.  It won't be in any certain order, but I WILL do 1 thing each week.  Be it starting a new habit, or just something getting done.

Here's to being a grown up in 2012!

New rule, and some random thoughts

So, I requested new rules from my Master, and he decided that I should refocus on the ones I already have, as I've been slacking, but he did allow me to add that I need to blog every night.  So, today is the first night of that.

I am looking forward to the new year, I want to, and need to make some changes and plans.  One thing I'm excited about is that Master says we will be getting iPhones and iPads this year, wooohooo!!!  He says we will start with our tax returns, this will be one year I'll be doing taxes ASAP!  I am also hoping my extra hours keep up, cause then we should be able to buy them fairly quickly too!

I am debating on going back to head covering too, something that I've done in the past, but stopped doing.  I'm feeling the call to do that, and wear dresses more (maybe not full time, we'll see), but I need to talk to Master about his thoughts first.

Anyway, it's getting super late, and Master and I need to get up (fairly) early for CHRISTMAS shopping for DD!

Here's to blogging on a regular basis.