Sigh

So, today at work confirmed that I made the right choice on going to a new branch.  I can't wait to get there, which I will be there tomorrow.

I am tired of working with lazy people, that don't know what they are doing.  It will be a breath of fresh air to work with people that actually work, and try to get shit done.

Plus, I need to get on track with my sales, and hopefully working at this branch will help.  Plus, if I do well at my sales, I will actually make more money, and not really notice the payment for insurance coming out.

Anyway, I'm excited about tomorrow, and nervous, I get to work at my new branch and learn how they do things, it's helpful that I already know the boss, I'm just hoping I get along with everyone else.  But hell, it can't get worse than it is now!

Flexibility

And no, I don't mean being all bendy and stuff, though I would like to be!

No, I mean going with the flow and doing my best not to be all pouty and disappointed when things doing go the way I had in mind.

This weekend I had plans, both with and with out Master, but not much went the way I hoped.  I am happy was able to help my sister today.  I was happy to help yesterday with Girl Scouts.

But damn it!  I wish I could have spent the whole weekend just enjoying Master's company.  I'm hoping that tonight goes really well.  I've been told I will be tied up and tourtured, and I sure as hell hope that's what happens, I could use a nice distraction tonight.

I just hope I'm not too tired.

Got it!

I officially got the full time job today!

I am going to have to talk to Master, I will need more of a routine at home, to get things done, more structure.  I don't know....

I'm tired, and should go to bed, but I'm probably going to tidy the house and read more of 50 Shades Freed.

Night all

Things to come

So tired, spent the day helping run a giant garage sale for Girl Scouts.  I spent from 8:30 in the morning, till 6:30 in the evening, sitting outside, freezing.  I'm exhausted, but we are off to a good start for our fundraiser, so it was worth it.  Thankfully, depending on how you look at it, I won't be able to work it again until Sunday.

So, I get my first allowance tomorrow.  I get 15 dollars every 2 weeks, to spend on whatever I want.  Tomorrow I buy the last book in the Shades of Grey series.  I'll have to write more about that once I finished the third book, which shouldn't take too long.

Then, I'm going to save up for a cane.  My game plan, for now, is to use every other allowance for a book for my kindle, and then rest will be saved for toys and such, like a cane, wax, and who knows what else.  I'm excited.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed.

Night night!

Learning my limits

I'm slowly learning my limits, that I can't do everything I want to do.  That I can't be there for everything, that I have to hand over things to other people.

I had my interview today, for the full time position at the other branch.  I'm unsure how it went, some things seemed fine, but my sales are my weakness, so I'm not sure how badly that will hold me back.

So, while I'm learning already I have my limits, once I (hopefully) get full time, I will have to limit my "extra curricular activities" even more.  I will need to focus as much extra time on my home and family as I can, especially since Master and I will have even more limited time together.  So to give up any of that for other things, well, I'm going to do my best not to let that happen.

On that note, I have a super busy weekend coming up, so I need to finish up my chores tonight and get the house all set, and ready to go, and just maintain it.  The only thing holding me back is my heel pain, that started last night, and while it was gone most of the day today, it's coming back the more I'm on my feet.

I'll just take it slow and do my best!

In love

I swear, I must be the luckiest girl in the world.

My husband, my Master, indulges me so much.  I tell him something I want to try, and he does it.

My Master knows how to take care of me, he knows what's best for me, he surprises me all the time.

I don't know what I did to get so lucky, all I know is, I hope that I can be a good enough sub, a good enough slave, to show him how much I love, appreciate, worship and adore him.  I want to serve him, in all the things I do.

I love you Master, and thank you.

Looking forward

Ok, I'm not sure if it's that my PMS that lasted a month is gone, or that things are just looking up, but I am so hopeful for the future.

Master is agreeable to so much that I'm asking of him, he seems to be in a good mood lately too, despite work.
He is helping me work on my weight, slowly taking away bad foods, and adding good foods, or good habits.  He agreed to talking to me while I cum, which I asked him to do, because I want to see if I can be trained to cum on command.  He also agreed to let me play with myself, but not cum, to keep me always wanting, until he decides to let me cum.

We are working together to get the house in shape, and everything fixed and running the way it's supposed to, we got a few things done in the basement yesterday, I'm still working on getting it cleaned up, there will be a lot of work to do to get it organized, and one last thing that needs to be done will be cleaning the dryer vent.

I have an interview for a full time position in the company I work for.  It will be at a different location, but if I get full time, it means health insurance for our family, and a little extra money a month.  Which would be great!

Plus, with all the cleaning I've been doing, I am going to start posting things on Craigslist, Ebay, and with the crafting DD and I are doing, post things on Etsy.  Even if we don't make tons of money, every little bit counts.

AND!  Master has agreed to give me an allowance.  There are two things I will be saving for, not sure which to do first, and that's the 3rd book in the Shades of Grey series (although, from what I hear, I'm not going to like the direction it heads) and a cane.  I think I'll be alternating between books and toys.  But I really really want a cane.

I'm getting back on track with routines starting tomorrow, I'm looking forward to a busy, but good week.  And Master has tomorrow off, so PLAYTIME!!!!

Full time

So, today I applied for a full time position at another branch.

While I don't want to work at all, it's what I have to do for my family.  It will be more hours, which means, of course, more money, but most importantly, it means insurance I can afford.

Right now, at part time, basic insurance for my family would be around 400 dollars per check, which is about what I make on each check.  So, we would be back to where we were before I started working, not having enough money to live on.

So, going full time, it would go down to 200 a check, and I would be getting more hours, so I would have insurance, and a tiny bit more money than I'm bringing home now.

Another plus that will come from my working full time is routine.

I thrive on routine.  Knowing what's going to happen and when every day, that helps me keep on track, and on the ball.  I will also learn to prioritize better too, or at least I'd better.

The biggest downfall is less time with Master and DD.  But, we will make the most of what time we do have together, so that will be good.

On another note, Master is helping me with my weight loss now.  I'm going to weigh myself tomorrow, and will start then.

2 Days a week, doing weights at the Y, 2 days a week, doing cardio (walking or running) at home or at the Y.

I asked him for help with eating too, so I am to eat 1 fruit a day, and I am to cut out any chicken that is fried.  So no nuggets, fried chicken, chicken wings etc.  Just grilled chicken.

So far these steps sound easy.  I'm looking forward to being in better shape, and feeling sexier and healthier too!

Here's to new beginnings!

I'm your Secretary

Master and I watched Secretary last night per my request.

I love that movie so much!  That is my ideal.

The main reason why I wanted to watch it is because I've read the first two books in the 50 Shades Trilogy, and I heard rumors about the 3rd book, and felt let down.  So, I wanted to watch a movie that had my ideal Dom in it, Mr E Edward Grey.

I also got to suck Master's cock while we watched it, AND managed to make him cum while doing so, which doesn't happen often, so I was pretty damn pleased with myself.

I've asked Master if we can step it up a bit as far as control goes, and I really hope he does.  He has come up with a workout schedule for me, so that is a wonderful start.

I'm so lucky to have a husband willing to try all this!  I love him so much!

Journal Prompt

Here's a journal prompt for today:

What do you need that you are currently not getting?

Well, aside from money and sleep....lol.

I'm not getting control, and pain.  Master and I seem to be in one of our down times, I know it happens with everyone, but I'm feeling very vanilla, very plain.  Don't get me wrong, the sex has still be great, but, I don't know, I feel the urge to have it stepped up a bit.  I need a firm hand, both in and out of the bedroom.  Maybe have to start giving him some ideas?  Or just flat out asking for things?

We'll see.

Down again

Had the last two days off with Master.

Yesterday, and most of today I was in a good mood.

Come this evening, while we were out as a family, my mood shifted.

I don't know what my problem is, but I'm feeling down.  I swear there were a few times that I could have just cried. No reason.

I don't know what is causing this.  It could be that I just finished reading 50 Shades of Grey, and don't know what to read now.  It could be cause I was trying to find a dress to wear to a wedding and I couldn't find one that wasn't for a super skinny person.  It could be that I was supposed to start my period on the 30th, and still haven't.  It could be that I still don't know what is going on with my possibly working full time.  It could be just that I was feeling like crap cause my 2 days were coming to an end.

I don't know, I hate that I've been feeling like this so much lately.  I just wanna be happy again, and I feel like none of the normal things are working.

Limbo

In limbo, waiting for something to happen, many things actually, and I'm getting to the point where I don't care what the result is, I just want to be able to move on.

On a positive note, Master and I have the next two days off together!  Should do my emotions and mentality some good.

Blah

First and foremost, Happy Easter.  I had a nice Easter holiday, despite Master having to work today.

But I feel blah.

TMI WARNING!

I'm over a week late now.  And while an irregular cycle is nothing new, what happens is, I continue to pms worse and worse until it finally shows up, sometimes 6 months later.  So, my tiredness, my grouchiness, my back pain, panic attacks, will just continue until it finally shows up.

Now, part of me doesn't care if it every comes back, but part of my would LOVE that feeling of relief from these symptoms that happen about halfway through my period.

Anyway, I guess that's all for now, I'm off to clean a chinchilla cage, and read more of Hunger Games book 2!

Journal Prompt

What are your Owner’s daily expectations of you?


To be honest, I don't know for sure. But I'll take a stab at it.  


I think he expects me to keep the house functioning.  Keeping it tidy, making sure laundry is done, animals are fed, our daughter is taken care of, and happy, that I'm on top of things.  


Other than that I don't know, some times, like days like today, I wish I had more rigid rules and such to follow, so I would know what was expected of me, but there are days I like the laid backness we have.


I do think, with changes coming, I'm going to need a stricter routine and such, and I'm hoping he will help with that.  

Holy Days

Today is Maundy Thursday, or Holy Thursday, if you prefer.

DD and I went to church tonight.  I cried, as I do often at church.  I don't know what it is, but I get hyper emotional at church.

Tonight it was the washing of the feet that set me off.

Watching wives wash their husbands feet, husbands wash their wives feet, daughters washing their mothers feet, even our Priest washing a nun's feet.  It was touching, moving, and it reminded me of how I feel when I serve Master.

I enjoy being humble, I enjoy doing for others in general.  I find great joy in that.

But I want/need to focus more on doing more for my family right now. That is something I hope to start working on by the end of this month.

Tomorrow, I know I need to bring tissues with me, Good Friday.  Very emotional service for me.

I am grateful that I have faith in such a loving and wonderful God.

Reading

So, I don't know what was going on with me for a while now, but I had lost all interest in things I used to enjoy.  Crafting, reading, lots of stuff.

Recently I got back into crafting, slowly, not as much as I used to do, but I'm getting back into the swing of things.

And today, I found joy in reading again.

My sister got me a kindle fire for Christmas (she spoils me), and today I downloaded Hunger Games.

I love this book.  I will most likely finish it tonight, and then have to ask Master if I can buy the next one.  I want to read the whole trilogy, and then I hope to work on 50 Shades of Grey.

I'm also hoping to get in the habit of writing, I've got about 3-4 ideas running through my head.  I just need to force myself to sit down and write them.

There are changes coming, I can't talk about, since you never know who may be reading this.  But once they happen I hope to develop a routine, and that will be a very good thing for me.

I'm off to read more!

Happy Camper

It is a wonderful new "drug" I was introduced too.

It's from the health food store, and I'm hoping to get some, to see how well it helps when taken daily, to keep my moods a little more regulated.

A co-worker gave me two today, and it sure as hell improved my mood today!

I can't wait for the boss to transfer.  Not sure if I posted about that yet, but the boss at work is being transferred to another branch, and we are getting a new manager...YEA!  The problem is, he's all worked up about getting shit (much of it that should have been done already) done before the end of this week.  And he seems to be being a bigger douche than normal.

Cool thing is, I have tomorrow off, and then there is just two more days with him!  WOOHOO!

Now, fingers crossed the new manager will be cool.

DD is on spring break this week, and while Master does work tomorrow, we should be able to do something as a family, and I'm really looking forward to it!

I guess that's all the rambling for today!

Emotional

I hate being a girl.  I hate hormones and PMS.  I hate that while I know why I currently feel the way I do, I can't stop it.

I've been tired and depressed on and off for about a week.  My period is late, my back hurts, I'm emotional.  I want to make tons of changes, do a bunch of things, but I have no energy to do any of it.

I went to the mall with my daughter today.  I hate the mall, and today, even the few stores I do care for in the mall, I couldn't stand today.

I feel down, unhappy, not pretty, fat, just blah.

I think part of the reason I don't like going to the mall is because it just reinforces that I'm not good enough.  I don't have enough money to buy things, I'm not thin enough to fit into the clothes there, I'm not young enough to  be there in general.

I'm just feeling down on myself.  I don't enjoy feeling this way.

I'm thinking about going to bed and just sleeping.

Balance

I need to find balance.  I need to be able to balance my work time and home time.  I need to find a balance for my emotions.  I need to find a balance between playing on line, crafting and doing my chores.  I need to find a balance for working on and eating healthy.

I feel like I hyper focus on one thing, and then everything else goes to shit, then I focus on whatever is falling apart, and the other things go by the wayside.

I want to be able to do it all, I need to find a way to do it.  To work, possibly full time, still keep up with the house work, start cooking more at home, and helping my family eat healthier, to work out on a regular basis, so I can become healthier, and fitter.

I am going to have to cut back on my online time.  I want to be able to craft more, build up a stash for when craft shows come around again, in the fall.

I also want to set aside time for writing daily.

Plus, we CAN'T forget family time and play time!

Now, to find a way to add more than 24 hours into a day!