Lost

Master is in the hospital.  I feel so lost.

He works nights, I'm used to him being gone at night, but this is so different.

I could go up to the hospital, to be with him, but he told me not to.  I would just be watching him sleep, but I would be near him.

I plan to go visit him tomorrow morning.  Of course, this happens when I have a ton of stuff to do.

I haven't told E the details, she doesn't need to worry, I don't want it to affect her, so we are just playing it down for her.

On the flip side of all this, I've found out who I can truly count on, who my friends are, and who are just selfish people.

I haven't told most of my family, because we don't know much. They are running tests, it's his blood pressure for sure, it's possible he has had a heart attack in the past, and there may be current blockage.

I'm still fearing the worst, coming up with plans on what we would do if....  so many different ways this could go.

But the surprising thing is, I haven't freaked out yet.  There's been a couple times I've wanted to ball my eyes out, but of course, every time I felt like that, it was a time I couldn't.

Maybe once I get E to bed, and crawl into bed myself.

At least I don't have to be at work tomorrow.