Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Containing my freak out

 So, Master is off to the hospital in the morning.

He went to the Doctor today, after much nagging.  And they wanted to call an ambulance, and make him go to the hospital right then, but he said no.  So tomorrow morning, before work, I have to drop him off at the ER.  It's his blood pressure, and this is the second time this has happened.  He was on medication for this before, but because we lost health insurance, he went off his meds.

I'm freaking out.

I'm a daughter of an alcoholic, and have a wonderful history of horrid shit happening, and I have always been the one to deal with, and fix the situation, even as a 16 year old.  So, I have learned to plan for the worst.

It makes me do things like, planning what would happen if he died.  How'd I pay the bills, how'd I handle the funeral, what would I do?

I'm trying not to freak out though, cause I don't want to worry Master any more than he already is.

I have so much stuff I could/should be doing, but I can't freaking focus on anything.

I'm going to take some melatonin, and try to sleep.

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