Just a girl

Almost done

2012-03-18T21:18:00.002-04:00

We had our last cookie booth today, of the season, and as of March 25th, the sale is OVER! I can't wait!

On the plus side, my daughter may hit 500 boxes of cookies! She passed 400 today and is almost to 500 already!

I had a good night last night, play with Master, stayed up till 2, and had to get up at 7 to sell cookies all day, so I'm super tired. Going to finish up a few things and crash in bed, I can't wait to climb in there and fall asleep!

I'll trade you!

2012-03-18T00:18:00.001-04:00

So, lately I've seen a few people that don't appreciate what they have as far as mothers go.

I don't have the best relationship with my mother. She never WAS a mother, more like a sister, and while I understand she has some issues that make it harder for her to be a "normal" mom, somethings, like the Alcoholism, were totally her choice.

So, when I see people who have mothers that do things for them, be it normal things like visiting, or calling on a regular basis, hell, even sending a birthday card would be a step up.

But then, I know mom's who are also grandma's. They watch their grandkids on a regular (some on a daily) basis. I know of one that has her grandkids more than her daughter does. I know one that takes her granddaughter to all her functions, like scouts, field trips, etc.

I know that these grandmothers do more for their grandkids than the mothers do, and if it weren't for the Grandmothers (like my own grandmother did for me) then the kids would suffer. But then to see the daughters of these wonderful women call them a bitch, or a backstabber, or whatever, pisses me off.

My daughter would love to have a grandmother that visited on a regular basis, that remembered her birthday, that took her places, cooked with her, let her spend the night every so often. And it's not like my mom lives far away, it's about a 10 minute drive to her house!

My step mother (who by the way, is one of these grandmothers being taken advantage of, by one of my stepsisters) would do all these things for my daughter, but, she lives a 2 1/2- 3 hour drive away, and with gas prices right now, we don't get out there that often.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, I do. I know she has her issues, she has learning disabilities and such, I understand that, but what I wouldn't give to have a mom like these women I know.

I would also like to add, that Master's mother was a wonderful wonderful women, and watched our daughter often. But, God saw fit to take her, and Master's father away from us years ago, so we only had a short time with them and our daughter.

So, while I understand no one is perfect, I really wish I could shake these women, and make them see how great their mom's are! It could be worse, they could not be there for you at all, be it that they are just not around, or already gone from the earth.

Spoiled

2012-03-15T22:04:00.001-04:00

I have a wonderful Master.

I had the day off today, and I had a huge list of thing I was going to do, errands, cleaning, all sorts of stuff. Master told me not to worry about it. He told me that it was my day off, and that I was to relax.

He also knew how hard that was for me. I'm a lazy person to a certain extent, but I like things to be clean. If I had the energy in my body to match the way my brain worked.... my house would be spot less, and totally organized all the time.

So, I did run errands, certain things had to be done, I had to pick up Girl Scout cookies for this weekend, and I HAD to go grocery shopping, we were down to one slice of bread.

I am working on tidying the house before bed, mainly putting away groceries and such.

But, Master and I did have play time today, so that was really nice.

I have to work the next two days, but Master has the next two days off, so we'll have some playtime again! Looking forward to some more fun time with Master.

I feel like such a lucky slave girl tonight!

Not enough time

2012-03-14T21:50:00.001-04:00

Or energy.

There is so much I need, want, should do, but I can never get it all done. Or at least that's how it feels.

I'm working on deep cleaning the house, so I can get it to a level of maintenance, and I've been trying to do a bit of time every day on it, but it's not looking good for today.

BUT! I did get some yard work done today, so I feel ok about it.

I've got a massive list going in my head for what I need to do tomorrow, and I am going to write it down, and see how much I should be able to knock off.

I'm feeling overwhelmed, a mild panic rising in me, but I'm not sure why. I just need to breath, and take one day at a time.

The good thing is, I don't have to work tomorrow.

I'm not in a happy place when it comes to work.

I'm off to make my list.

I hope play time with Master ends up on it!

Happy Birthday Master!

2012-03-13T22:24:00.000-04:00

Today is my Master's 49th Birthday. I didn't get to spend much time with him, I worked, and He worked. I wasn't able to get him a gift, or bake him a cake or anything, which really bothers me.

Birthdays are very special, important days to me. They are the one day you don't have to share with anyone, and you should be treated very special.

Instead, I spend part of what little time we have together (my lunch hour) in tears.

I felt selfish after that.

I want to do so much for my Master, I want to give him everything he could want, I want to be the perfect slave, housewife, mother, whatever he wishes. I want to keep a clean house, always having my chores done. I want to be able to satisfy him sexually every day, or more often. I want him to not have to worry about bills, or what will happen if a car breaks down, or an appliance stops working. I want him to be able to relax and enjoy life, or at the very least, his birthday. But I wasn't able to do that this year.

But next year, oh, next year is going to be different.

It will be his 50th, and I plan to make it a week long celebration, with many many surprises.

Now to get started on the planning.

And for this year, I don't work on Thursday, so at the very least he will be getting a massage, I got my book today!!!

I love you Master! Happy Birthday!

100 years old

2012-03-12T21:59:00.000-04:00

I don't know how great this post will be, cause I've got a banging migraine going on, and I just took some drugs which should make me feel better soon, while making me loopy at the same time, but here goes:

Happy 100th Anniversary Girl Scouts!!!

I want to write so much more about the Girl Scouts, but I'll save it for another day, being with 14 of them tonight gave me a migraine....lol!

Laundry soap

2012-03-11T23:38:00.002-04:00

Ok, this is a long time coming, but since I just made my second batch of laundry soap, here are pictures from the first time I made it!

Supplies

Boiling water

Fels Naptha

Cutting it into little peices

Putting the pieces in the water

Halfway done with the bar

All in!

Supplies for the fabric softner

1 Cup Baking Soda, 2 cups hot water

Together

Mix it well (won't disolve!)

1 Cup Vinegar

Bubbles!

Finished!

Soap all melted

Empty 5 gallon bucket

Mixed in with 1 cup Borax and 1 Cup Washing Soda

Keep adding hot water

Stir

Baking soda separated, have to shake it up with each use.

Stir as it cools and turns to gel!

The five gallon bucket lasted me a little over 2 months, the fabric softener, not as long.

Now to find more cleaning items I can make on my own!

Journal Prompt

2012-03-10T22:36:00.000-05:00

If SM is a part of your dynamic explain how pain works for you. Is it a sexual turn on, a healing release, a spiritual moment, a session of giving?

From Submissive Journal Prompts

S and M is part of our relationship. I would like it to be a bigger part of our relationship, but we are taking things slowly, to see what er a comfortable with. Also, I know Master is a bit worried about hurting me, so we are taking it slow, finding out what I can take, and what we like.

So far I have found I'm totally into spanking, we tried out his belt, I liked that, and we recently tried out caning, which I LOVED. We have tried hot wax, biting, pinching, all sorts of good things, and I've enjoyed them all.

To me, much of it is a sexual turn on, just having my hair pulled will get my heart racing, and my juices flowing, bring on a spanking, or a caning, and I'm ready to fuck in no time. But another part of it is a release. There have been times where I have asked Master for a spanking because of the mood I'm in. If I'm cranky, or feeling out of sorts, or out of control, whatever the case may be, and I get a good spanking, lots of pain, be it followed by sex or not, I'm centered again, grounded, focused. It's a freeing and wonderful feeling for me.

There are times, when we are playing, getting ready for sex, foreplay going, and I can't shut my mind off. I keep thinking about what happened that day, what I need to do the next day, next week, what I should have done that day that I didn't do, what I should be doing now, etc. etc. I just can't shut my brain off and enjoy what is happening to me in that moment. But, should Master roll me over and bite my ass (literally) or spank me, pull my hair, pinch my nipples, cause me some sort of delicious pain, my brain shuts right the fuck up and I'm able to focus on what we are doing, and enjoy sex.

So, I look at it as this, I need the pain, to be a happy, healthy slave. And I'm lucky to have a Master willing to give it to me.

Tomorrow

2012-03-09T20:06:00.002-05:00

Master is off work tomorrow!!!!!

I can't wait!!!

Play time, true, proper play time, sex and all!

I can't wait!

Blah

2012-03-08T22:29:00.001-05:00

Today is one of those days. I'm in a blah, grumpy mood. No real reason. I got lots of sleep, work was whatever, I don't know, I'm just in a pissy mood.

I have to work all day tomorrow, not only that, I have to be at work 30 minutes early for a conference call thing. *sigh*

I'll be counting the hours until Saturday.

It'll be a long day, the first chunk of it being spent at Science Olympiad with DD. Then, there is a spaghetti dinner fundraiser we are going to.

What I'm looking forward to though, play time with Master. I'm going to ask him to cane me again, this time, before sex. Plus, I may read to him from one of my books.

I started reading Justine last night, by the Marquis de Sade. I have a ton of books started, I need to finish some. But I was in the mood for something new, that was kink related, and it was free on my kindle.

I feel like I'm so boring here. Maybe one day I'll have more exciting things to blog about.

Weight lifted

2012-03-07T20:27:00.000-05:00

Master went out yesterday and did his thing, stopping at the Sec. of State, and the tire shop, to get our tags, his new lisc. and 3 new tires. Spending a bit of money.

Today, I went to court, didn't have to talk to the judge or anything, just pay a (hefty) fine and I was on my way.

So, while our savings account is depleted, a lot of things that were hanging over my head are GONE! Now I can just focus on normal stress stuff, and work.

Which, I ended up having today off. I got some stuff done, went to the gym, and now I'm working on getting the house caught up. Taking a break to write this.

I just have the kitchen and the chin cage left to go.

Well, that's just to get basic picking up done. There is TONS of cleaning I could be doing. I need to get deep cleaning and decluttering going soon, then work on getting a cleaning schedule down. It's just hard since my schedule is different every week, it's hard to get a routine down. If I get full time, while I'd have less time to do stuff, I could at least make a routine.

Anyway, enough of my boring chit chat. Time to get back to work!

Anxiety and happiness

2012-03-06T21:59:00.000-05:00

I have court tomorrow.

I'm scared as hell.

I got a ticket a while ago, for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign. So, I'm going to court tomorrow, to hopefully at least get my points removed. I don't want to have to pay a huge fine, but I will if I have to. The normal ticket price is 95 dollars, and it's 3 points, so I mainly want the points taken off.

I'm just scared, it's something I've never done before, full of strangers. I don't know what to expect. I have been to court twice before, but both times I was the "good guy" this time I'm the "bad guy" and I'm scared.

Master keeps telling me that it's not like they are going to through me in jail or anything, but I can't help being scared. I did something wrong.

I can't wait to get it over with!

On the good side:

I got to experience my first caning yesterday.

I LOVED IT!!

It hurt so much, it was stingy and wonderful. There were a few times that I almost called a color, but Master seems to read me pretty well, and slowed down right around the times I was wondering if I could take anymore.

I had welts on my ass afterward, and there were still a few this morning. I loved it!

I got 4 canes at the dollar store. Master broke 1 into 4 pieces last night, we still have 3 more, but I think we may have to buy more! I'll store them someplace out of the way.

Master seemed to enjoy it too, so I'm happy about that!

Plus, he let me order the book about massage I wanted, it shipped out today, so I'm looking forward to getting it in the mail and studying it!

So, despite my anxiety about tomorrow, I'm one happy slave!

Something to learn

2012-03-05T15:05:00.001-05:00

I gave Master a massage last night, I think he enjoyed it, he appeared to be pretty relaxed. I just wish I actually knew what I was doing.

My senior year of high school I got this book and taught myself massage. My friends seemed to enjoy it, and I had a friend whom I was able to put to sleep with a facial massage.

I would like to work on this more, and give Master massages often, at least once a week. I would love to be able to help him, get rid of tension and body aches. I would love to help him stress less, to feel better, more relaxed, and I think it's another great way of staying connected. While I would like to get really good, I only want to learn this for Masters benefit. It's not like I plan to make a career change, cause I know there is no way I could do that as a job. Even though it would be a good paying one.

So, my first step is to see if Master will allow me to get that book again, then the next step is to practice and study, along with slowly buying better oils and such, I also think this will tie back into me learning about aromatherapy again, something else I'm very interested in. Maybe even learning some reflexology too.

I'm hoping to make Master very happy with my hands!

Improvement

2012-03-04T21:13:00.000-05:00

Doing better today.

Woke up with anxiety, got some things done, had a cookie booth today, and now that I'm home with Master, chilling out, getting ready to watch The Walking Dead together, I feel better.

My anxiety is still there. There is part of me that wants it to go away, and part of me that knows I deserve it.

I'll deal with it, one day at a time, slowly and steadily. It will keep me focused on Master, and pleasing Him, which is what I want to do. I want to prove to Him how much He means to me, and how much I love Him. I want to do everything I can to make Him happy, and to be the best slave I can possibly be for Him.

I will strive every day to accomplish this, putting Him first, above everything else. His wishes, his needs. And of course, our daughter as well.

Down

2012-03-03T23:37:00.000-05:00

Long day, work, cookie booth, a little time in between, but most of that was spent prepping the cookie booth stuff.

I'm feeling down, have been all day, and I believe there are a few things that are causing it.

One is work, it just sucks right now.

Two is something I can't/shouldn't talk about here.

Three is it's an anniversary month, and every year on this month I end up having mood issues. 20 years ago this month I was felt up by my step father. I didn't say anything for at least a week, thinking maybe I had done something wrong, or that it was really a mistake. (He did the arm around the shoulder grab). I waited until a day or two after my mothers birthday and broke down and told some friends at school, who in turn marched me down to the office where I told my assistant principal, and then it was out of my hands.

Turns out, that was the tip of the iceburg. He had been molesting/raping my sister for a while. She is 4 years younger than me, she was 12 at this time. She hadn't said anything cause he said the normal stuff, like, you wouldn't want to ruin your mom's marriage, and shit like that.

Anyway, this year is 20 years, and my daughter is 12.

I'm having a hard time with this.

I've told my sister many times, I wish I had done more, I wish I had been home, instead of a self absorbed teen, I wish I had known what he was doing to her, I sure as hell would have stopped it! And she has reassured me time and time again, that all is well between her and I. That in the aftermath (when mom shut down and became a drunk) I was there to take care of her, in my own way. And I guess I was, but I still can't help feeling I should have done more.

So I think this month is going to be rough, for a number of reasons.

I wish life had a rewind button. There are a few things I'd like do-overs on.

Too tired

2012-03-02T20:53:00.000-05:00

Short blog today.

Work sucks, I'm tired, couldn't run today cause was stuck at work. I have to work in the am too. I'm so tired and can't wait until Sunday and Monday, I'll have time with Master, and all I want to do is snuggle up with him and watch or horror movie, or some Big Bang Theory.

Now, to pick up the house before I totally crash for the night.

Domestic Goddess

2012-03-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

Man I miss these days.

Being back to work for the last 8 months has made me realize how wonderful I had it as a SAHM. Today was a day I totally took advantage of my day off and was the domestic goddess that I should have been for the last 11 years.

I cooked Tuna Noodle Salad for tomorrow (Lent, no meat on Fridays), I also made spaghetti for today, which was eaten for lunch and dinner, and is almost all gone. I got the house all cleaned up last night, and laundry is all caught up.

I got grocery shopping done too, so I am set for the weekend, which will be busy. But I am set, as long as I can keep up on the regular house work, I won't feel like a bad slave, which is how I've been feeling.

I need to learn to juggle housework and work. I'm working, with Master's help, to work on routines. I'm also going to work on getting the house into maintainance mode. But the big thing I have to work on is saying NO!

Not to Master, of course, but to everyone else. I think the best way to do that is to use Master as an excuse. I'll tell people I have to ask him first, if I don't feel like I can just say no. I need to learn to do what is best for my family.

So, that is something I will be working on, learning where I can cut back on things that are keeping me from doing the things I need to do for my families well being.

And today was one of the days where I felt on top of things, and I need more days like this!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 30

2012-02-29T23:53:00.001-05:00

WOW! I did this, I followed it all the way to the end! So here goes:

Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

I'm super tired, so I don't really know what to write. I do know that while I was struggling last week with my submissiveness, and just missing Master in general, this week is going out standing. We had a very awesome play session on Monday, that was much needed, followed by a good spanking on Tuesday night. I am excited about the way our relationship is going, both in the bedroom and out, kink and non kink. I feel with every email, every sexual act, every moment we have together our relationship is growing stronger and stronger. I love my Master very much, and I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him, loving and serving him, in whatever way we see fit.

Thank you Master, I love you!

And now, back to our regularly scheduled blogging!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 29

2012-02-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. Mistress, Master, slut, pig, whore, princess, Goddess, Ma'am, Sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

I do not have a title, although I would like to. Master does call me pet names, my favorite being baby girl. I call him Master, when we are in private, and Daddy or Babe when our daughter is around.

I will admit, there is a little part of me that wonders what it would be like to be called slut. I think to start off in the bedroom, and take it from there. Just the thought of him calling me his little slut turns me on. Or him saying things like "You like that don't you, slut?" while fucking me....mmmm. Or "Slut, did you wash my work pants yet?" sigh. But who knows, if he actually did start saying that I may not enjoy it as much as I think I will. But I would like to find out.

But Baby Girl, that makes me all warm and fuzzy inside when I hear it.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 28

2012-02-27T23:07:00.000-05:00

How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?

Usually, I'm naked. Today, I was lucky enough to wear my play collar. I love it. It automatically makes me all submissive, and turned on. I do wish that I was told what to wear more in general, that Master had specific things in mind for me to wear, but he doesn't, at least, not yet. Also, maybe once I loose more weight, I'll have some fun things to wear to bed. That's a nice goal to have.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 27

2012-02-26T21:38:00.001-05:00

Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

To be honest, no, not that I can think of.

I know, lame, but I can't really think of a time that it has happened.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 26

2012-02-26T00:20:00.000-05:00

What's your opinion on online BDSM play?

I think that it's great for people that are in a long distance relationship, but I can't see it really comparing to the real thing.

Short but sweet answer, since I'm up too late!

SGBHC #5

2012-02-25T22:27:00.001-05:00

That Submissive Feeling
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/02/sgbhc-5-that-submissive-feeling/comment-page-1/#comment-6750

What brings out your most powerful submissive/slave mindset? Is it a regular occurrence in your life or do you long for that submissive/slave feeling more often?

Share a time where you felt your most submissive.

Funny that this should be the topic, as it's currently something I'm struggling with right now. I've been feeling lost and out of touch with my submissiveness, and I think a big part of it is not enough time with Master.

Times I've noticed that my mindset is more focused is when I'm able to be with him more, to serve him directly, instead of indirectly. For example, bringing him a drink, as opposed to washing dishes. I hope that makes as much sense to others as it does to me.

There are also times during play that really bring it into focus for me. Having my hair pulled, being spanked, and anal play are my three big triggers. Give me a play session with any one, or a combo of those things, and I'm in a sub mindset for a few days at least.

Also anytime Master uses his dominance with me. Be it placing an order for me when we are eating out, telling me directly to do something, or anytime he has given me a rule to follow.

I wish I could focus on being a submissive more, but, life gets in the way far too much for my liking, especially lately. Master and I are still really green to all this too, so I'm hoping as we continue this journey I have more time to focus on serving him.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 25

2012-02-24T21:29:00.001-05:00

How open are you about your kinks?

Depends. Online, under my alter ego name, I'm very open. Like here on this blog, I could write all day about my kinks.

With my Master, the same.

I have a sister, and also my BFF that know a lot.

That's about it.

I would love to be more open about my kinks. But it's not always the best idea. Plus, Master has asked me not to be too open about it, thus my alter ego.

But I would love to be more open about it. Maybe one day.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 24

2012-02-23T22:03:00.001-05:00

What qualities do you look for in a partner?

I'll go with my Master's best qualities.

He is kind, loving, caring, dependable, forgiving, determined, hard working, loyal, funny, great in bed, dominant, open, laid back, a great father, patient, sweet, handsome, he has beautiful eyes, a great protector and provider.

I could go on and on. I'm so lucky to have him, he puts up with so much, and doesn't ask for anything in return. I adore him and I am so happy that I have him for the rest of my life. I only wish we had more time together!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 23

2012-02-22T22:31:00.000-05:00

Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?

I think if anything, it has made me more open minded about other people. I still have little tolerance for stupid or rude people, but I'm not as quick to judge people. I also find I spend a lot more time thinking about Master and ways to make our relationship stronger.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 22

2012-02-21T21:25:00.001-05:00

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I do not think there is a difference. All relationships take trust, honesty, and respect. In my opinion, they also take at least a certain amount of love.

I'm sure I should go into more detail, but I have a lot I need to get done tonight.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 21

2012-02-20T22:11:00.000-05:00

What is your favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)?

I'm going with fiction.

It really depends on what I'm looking for, but I'm going to go with the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy.

I love the whole series, my favorite of the 3 is the first one.

Now, I also have read (a few times) The Story of O, which I enjoy. And, I'll admit, guilty pleasure, I enjoy the books of Gor.

But so far, my favorite, fiction, is Sleeping Beauty.

I haven't read a lot of non fiction, other than blogs, so I'm not sure where I stand with those.

I would love to expand my BDSM/kink related library though!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 20

2012-02-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you're curious about/don't understand.

Ok, there are a few things I don't understand.

I don't understand the brats, the subs or slaves that are on purpose bratty. I mean, don't get me wrong, I play with Master, I tease him. But I would never be defiant or bratty just because. And I try really hard to keep my attitude in line (and trust me, he has put me into place the few times I've forgotten). So I don't understand why you would want to be bad like that.

I also just don't understand the whole pet play thing. Or furries. I don't see anything wrong with either, I just don't get it.

But then, I'm sure there are people out there that don't get my kinks.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 19

2012-02-18T20:33:00.001-05:00

Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?

I don't know if this was exactly unexpected, but I feel that it has strengthened my marriage. One of the main reasons being, I am more open and honest with my Master now. I share every thing with him, I check with him on his opinions on many things now. More than I did before. I tell him much more about myself now too, I'm more transparent with him. I tell him my true feelings about things, and how I'm feeling often.

The fact that we email daily helps me share my thoughts and feelings with him, as does this blog.

The fact that I share so much more of my inner most feelings with him makes me feel closer to him.

I cherish him so much, and being His slave makes me want to please Him so much.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 18

2012-02-17T21:54:00.000-05:00

Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?

You know, I think my main ones are people thinking that if you don't do things they way they do, that you aren't doing it right.

I'm not talking about things that actually matter how you do them, like things that could cause serious harm.

I'm talking about, if you don't kneel at your Master's feet instead of sitting in a chair, you're not a REAL slave. If you don't do this you're not a true submissive. You're not a REAL Dom if you don't do...whatever.

That is garbage!

Also, just the rudeness on websites. Like people think, oh, this site deals with sexual stuff, so I can be a juvenille jack ass.

Those are my pet peeves!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 17

2012-02-16T22:58:00.000-05:00

What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

There are a few. But the main one is, that there is something wrong with us, that we are freaks. The fact is, I'd bet that people deal with kinky people many times a day and have no clue. Not all kinky people walk around with a collar on, or wearing all black, or corsets, or what every your stereo typical picture of a kinky person is. They are mom's, dad's, aunt's, uncle's, grandparents. They are teachers, ministers, leaders, volunteers,. They are kind, giving people. A great many of them are very very wonderful people. I won't say all, because, let's face it, in every group of people, there are assholes.

That' why I hate when things like this happen:

There was a murder locally. Of course, the focus is on the husband first. Then it turns out he's into BDSM. He owns a bar, there is a dungeon in the basement. He had slaves or subs that called him Master.

So that is the focus. That must be the problem, he's a freak, and that's why he murdered his wife.

I hate HATE that people judge things they don't understand.

Now, I'm not saying he's innocent, I don't know if he is or not. BUT! Just because he's into BDSM doesn't mean he is a murderer.

Just because I like being tied up and spanked, doesn't mean I want a man that is abusive. There IS a difference.

People need to LEARN about things they don't understand. I'm not saying you have to want to do it yourself. I don't want to be in a poly relationship, but I learn about them, because there are people out there that are poly, and I want to understand them.

I think if people tried to understand each other more, there would be more love in this world.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 16

2012-02-15T19:02:00.000-05:00

What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Ok, the biggest problem for me is having to censor myself around other people. There are so many times I've wanted to just say things like "My husband won't allow that." or "I have to ask my Husband's permission first." Most times I can just word things a different way.

The other day my boss came up to me and asked about my bracelets. They are basically friendship bracelets that I made, but the represent wrist cuffs to me. I have them on my ankles, and one around my neck, that is my collar. While it's not exactly what I want, it will have to do for now. Anyway, he asked "So, you follow the Kabalah?" I said "No, that's just one wrist, and a piece of red yarn. I have two on, and they are black and blue." (Yes, the colors were picked on purpose, Master's and my favorite colors) Then he said "Then why do you wear them?" I WANTED to tell him why, to explain they are to help remind me of my place. To remind me that I'm owned, and that I am to do what Master wishes. What I said however was "It's my own religion."

Times like that, I wish I could speak more freely without any fear of negative consiquences.

THAT is the most difficult aspect to me.

There are other aspects that are hard, but that's the one I've struggled the most with lately.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 15

2012-02-14T22:26:00.000-05:00

Write about a BDSM/kink activity you're curious about and would like to try.

There are sooo many things I want to try. But for this, I'm going with caning.

First off, it would be cheap to get a cane. Most I've seen are under 10 dollars, and MANY under 5.

I know there is certain ways you are supposed to use a cane. I would be more than willing to do research on this too, to "teach" Master how to cane me the right way.

Just one of the many things I want to try, one thing at a time!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 14

2012-02-14T22:10:00.000-05:00

How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven't experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Time.

Time is the factor that messes with real life BDSM/kink.

There isn't enough of it. We have to work, we have to clean the house, we have to run errands, we have commitments that we have to meet. It sucks.

You can't always walk around the house naked, with a collar on. Especially not if you have kids, or mixed company over.

You have to keep things private, you have to worry about what others think, unfortunatly. Which is a part I struggle with. There is a part of me that wants to wear a full collar, all day, every day. I want to be open about my submission to my husband. But I can only say so much, for fear it's used against me or Him in some way.

There are consequences to actions in real life, in fantasy, there are none.

Those are just some of the differences, as I see them.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 13

2012-02-12T20:38:00.000-05:00

Explain, as best you can, what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you're drawn to?

The appeal? It depends on which aspect of BDSM/kink we are talking about.

When it comes to D/s or M/s it's pleasing Master. The knowledge that the things I do make him happy, makes me happy. Also, giving up control. I am a control freak, but for some reason, knowing he is in ultimately in control, is such a freeing, wonderful feeling. It's also exciting to me. To know that if, at any time, he were to decide to bend me over and fuck me, he could, that is exciting! To know that he can just grab me by the hair and kiss me, should he want to, he could, and I couldn't say anything about it. I love that feeling. To hear him say "Good Girl" when I do something that makes him happy, that feeling is better than anything. Those two simple words are what makes me happiest.

As far as the bedroom kinky stuff, it's all about pleasure there. Both mine and Master's. I love cumming myself, but I also LOVE making Master cum. To see my hands, wrapped around his hard cock, stroking it, playing with it, I love it!

I also love the feeling I get when Master is especially forceful. The reminder that I am weaker than he is, that even if I wanted to fight him off, I couldn't. That he can, in theory, make me do whatever he pleases, that gives me butterflies in my tummy! I love that feeling!

Those are just a few reasons I am drawn to kink/BDSM. There is so much more to it, but it's so hard to explain.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 12

2012-02-11T20:50:00.002-05:00

Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you've had. If you haven't had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Ok, the only one I have, that is funny and embarrassing, is farting when Master was playing with my ass.

Not a long story, but, looking back, it was funny. At the time I was mortified!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 11

2012-02-10T20:30:00.000-05:00

What are your views on the ethics of kink?

My views on the ethics of kink are my views on ethics in general.

Feel free to do what you want, as long as it doesn't hurt others.

I feel that way about religions, as long as you aren't hurting anyone, believe what you will. It doesn't hurt me if you don't believe in God, it doesn't hurt me if you want to worship cows, trees, whatever. I will respect you and your beliefs, as long as you respect me and mine!

When it comes to kink, it's the same way. I don't want to be pissed on, but if that is your thing, have at it, as long as you, and the person doing the pissing is good with it, why should it bother me.

I'm not gay, but I have no problem with anyone who is.

I don't want to change my gender, or cross dress, but I have no problem with anyone who does.

Harm none and do as ye will.

That is my life motto.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 10

2012-02-09T21:19:00.000-05:00

What are your hard limits?

These are really easy for me.

No scat
No urine
No animals
No age play (or children)
No incest

Those are off the top of my head, but those are the ones FOR SURE I have no interest in.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 9

2012-02-09T00:27:00.000-05:00

Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

I'm Your Man

Everybody Knows

S & M

I Like it Rough

Hanky Panky

There are tons more songs that turn me on, but these are the closest to being actually kink related. LOVE them!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 8

2012-02-07T21:55:00.000-05:00

Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Oh good, this should be easy, I have a migraine today (second day without pop!)

From Secretary

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 7

2012-02-06T22:29:00.000-05:00

What's your favorite toy?

Well, I'm assuming Master doesn't count, so, there are two.

1. I don't have one now, but the rabbit vibrators, like this. I love them, especially the ears. I'm all about the clit. LOVE having my clit stimulated!

2. And this is a toy I wish I could play with more! This. I would love to find a butt plug like this, that I could wear out and about, with out worrying about it falling out.

Those are the toys I enjoy playing with the most at this point in time. I would love to play with more things like canes, floggers, whips, etc.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 6

2012-02-06T00:31:00.001-05:00

Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

This is a bad night for me to do this, I'm super tired, up too late, and need to get up early, but here goes.

I would like a day where I could be naked all day, nothing but a collar, and slave bells on. I have a list of chores to do, around the house. Master is home all day as well. I am to do everything for him, fetch whatever he wants, cook, and serve him food. I give him massages, I bring him drinks, I spend the day doing everything for him. I kneel at his feet when I'm not needed to do something. I must ask permission to leave his side for anything, if I want food, or a drink. I may not be on the computer, I may watch tv, but only what Master wants to watch. Through out the day, when ever the mood strikes Master, I must pleasure him, either orally, with my hands, or if He likes, he will fuck me, either my pussy or my ass. I would also like to have to wear a butt plug through out the day. I would like to end the day with a good bondage session, being tied to the bed, spanked, have a belt used on me, maybe a cane, or flogger or some hot wax. And then be good and used by Master again for his pleasure.

Oooo, maybe I have to wear nipple clamps at sometime during the day too.

That sounds like fun. Not sure if it's super weird, or intereasting, but it sounds good.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 5

2012-02-04T23:22:00.000-05:00

What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven't had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Well, first off this all depends on ones definition of kinky. My first sexual experience was when I was 14, not very good. My first time having a boy go down on me, I was about 17, good experience. The first time I gave a boy a blow job, was 16, bad experience. My first (and only) three some, I was 18, and it was a HORRIBLE experience. (Two boys, and myself, I got left out). My first orgasm during sex (quite possibly my first orgasm that I didn't give myself) was from Master. First time being tied up, was with Master, first time with hot wax, spanking, nipple clamps, etc. Was with Master.

I still consider myself to be a novice when it comes to kinky. Although, I have talked to some people that make me feel like a true whore with my experience and knowledge. There are a great many things I want to try or get better at. And I'm so happy I will get to do them all with Master. I'm also so lucky to have a husband that is willing to try all this with me. He was willing to become my Dominant, and then my Master. He's willing to spank me, pull my hair, cover me in hot wax, tie me up, and so many other things I request to try.

I love him so much!

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 4

2012-02-03T22:18:00.000-05:00

Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

For the most part, no. The only one I can honestly say yes about is being submissive. I have always been a people pleaser. I always wanted to make everyone around me happy. I would do whatever was asked of me, if I thought it would make people happy. I would go with out, do things I didn't want to do, that kind of stuff. I gravitated to leaders, I also, almost always, dated guys that were older than me. The biggest age difference being between my Master and I. (13 years and 13 days apart). So, looking back, I would say that yes, I can see my submissive tendencies in my past, but things like spankings, hot wax, being tied up. Nope, didn't see that coming.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 3

2012-02-02T22:14:00.002-05:00

How did you discover you were kinky?

Ahhh, the signs were there long long ago in my opinion. And, I even think I had a semi kinky relationship before I even realized what was going on, but more on that later.

I have always been submissive in nature, even as a girl, with my female friends, I was the follower, and I had two friends growing up that were, in my opinion, leaders. In fact, I know one, is a Domme now. In fact, one time she made a passing comment about me making a good submissive, and if I was bi she would love to train me. That was in high school. I didn't really grasp what she meant at that time.

I dated someone that I *think* was trying to make me a sub, with out just coming out and saying it. I look back at how the relationship was, and see some signs that pointed in that direction, but who knows, maybe he didn't realize what he was doing either.

But, where I REALLY learned about BDSM and what led me to learning about oh so many kinks, was Sims Online.

I am a geek, and I LOVE Sims games. (In fact, if I had a better laptop, I'm sure I would own and play Sims 3) So when Sims Online was out, I played, daily! I would bounce around, checking out various places. With my shyness, that also affects me online, I didn't make many friends, but somehow I stumbled across someone who was a sub. She invited me to the house where she hung out at, and met many subs, and a few Masters and Misstress's. They were all very nice, and the more I learned about their lifestyles, the more I wanted to know. I asked a great many questions. It all sounded so nice to me, but I was scared of what Master might think if I approached him. This was a good 10 or so years ago, at LEAST.

On and off after that I would do research online, about BDSM, particularly being a sub.

Thankfully I got brave and approached Master about it a couple years ago, and since then we have been slowly working our way to figure out our kinky side of our relationship. There are times where it's far slower than I'd like, and times, like this week, where I'm glad we are laid back, because I'm not feeling 100%, and therefore, less submissive.

So, that is how I got to where I am. I still do lots of research on the subject, and learn about new kinks all the time. I can't wait to see where Master and I end up!

30 Day BDSM Challenge Day 2

2012-02-01T22:21:00.000-05:00

List your kinks.

Well......

Here is what I know I like:
Spanking (being spanked that is!)
Anal Play (working our way up to Anal sex, also love butt plugs!)
Hot Wax
Belly Dancing (watching and doing it myself)
Music (there are some songs that just turn me on!)
Having my hair pulled
Being bitten
Giving blow jobs (but my TMJ hinders that)
Sensory Depravation
Giving handjobs
Rough sex

There's lots lots more, and tons of stuff I'd like to try.

Here is a link to my Fetlife profile, that includes a more detailed list. Autumn Raine Skye

A few other things, that turn me on, is Master's eyes, and when he calls me Baby Girl. Or tells me to be a good girl. mmmmm. Wish Master was here now.

30 Day BDSM Challenge: Day 1

2012-01-31T21:24:00.000-05:00

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interests you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

I identify as a submissive out of those three choices. In my heart, I am a slave. I live to make my Master (Husband) happy.

What parts interest me? Oh wow, many many parts. There is so much I'm curious about! So many things I want to try. I would love to be in a 24/7 TPE relationship, where I stayed at home, all day, doing everything my Master wanted me to. I would love to be micromanaged, I would love to be taken at any given time of the day, whenever the urge struck Master. I would love to wear a collar all the time (an actual collar, not just the necklace I made myself).

I would love to be tied to a St. Andrews cross and whipped, flogged, caned, etc. I would love to be thrown over my Master's knee, naked, and spanked until I cry. I would love to try clamps, duct tape, hot wax, and all sorts of ouchy, wonderful things.

I would love to be tied to the bed, and slowly tortured, to be taught to cum on command, so just by Master saying a word, I would orgasm uncontrollably. I would love to be told to make myself cum while Master watched.

But ultimately, it boils down to what make Master happy. And as long as I'm making Master happy, I feel that I'm a good slave, submissive, whatever you call it. It is my job to do what Master wants me to do, and it is my job to make sure Master is happy, and all his needs are met. He is in control, and I will do as he wishes. And if Master is happy, then I am happy!

30-Day BDSM Challenge: An Introduction

2012-01-31T20:34:00.001-05:00

So, Anastassia posted this on her blog, and I've decided to do the same thing. I will actually post two blogs tonight, and it will take me up to the last day of February.

So, instead of boring ramblings about my everyday, hum drum life, hee hee, this is what you will be reading about for the next month!

The questions I will be answering are:

Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.
List your kinks.
How did you discover you were kinky?
Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
What’s your favorite toy?
Post a kinky image you find erotic.
Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.
What are your hard limits?
What are your views on the ethics of kink?
Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had. If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.
Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?
Write about a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.
What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?
What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?
Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves? If so, what are they?
Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.
Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)
What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed? How so?
What qualities do you look for in a partner?
How open are you about your kinks?
What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

If you decide to answer them for yourself, leave me a link in the comments!

I always love new blogs to follow!

Sick

2012-01-30T23:33:00.001-05:00

So, it's that time of year again, Girl Scout cookie time. And, since it's that time, it's also time I come down with a cold. EVERY YEAR! So, last night, I started feeling sniffly, and today, it's been a headache on and off all day, with a sniffly nose, and a little bit of a scratchy throat. I'm determined to fight this, and not let it hold me down. I did do a workout today, 42 minutes on the Elliptical. Tomorrow I plan to do the weights.

I've had an enjoyable 3 day weekend, and while it's a short day, I'm not looking forward to going back to work. I enjoy staying home, I miss being a SAHM. I think one of the main reasons is, I'm a control freak. And, my being at work, I don't know EVERYTHING that is going on. I'm still learning to deal with that though.

Anyway, things are going to start getting busy for me, DD has the talent show, karate (testing for Yellow belt in a couple weeks), Science Olympiad, Girl Scout badges to work on. Plus it's cookie time, so we'll be out and about doing booths.

I need to get on my game, and get organized!

Plus, tomorrow, I apply for the full time position!

Lost it

2012-01-29T21:44:00.000-05:00

I've lost my motivation, and today, I seem to have lost my energy. Right now I am so tired, I feel like someone just pulled a plug on me. And, I have stuff I should do. Dishes from tonight's dinner with my sister and brother in law, which was a good time!

I started off this new year with big plans, and I'm not doing so well. I lost 4 pounds in the first 2 weeks of the year, well, 3 of them are back already. I still go to the Y, not every day, but pretty often. But my eating habits suck.

I know part of it is cause I'm in the midst of changes, especially at work, where I don't know what is going to be happening after the next couple weeks, and I hate that.

I feel like all I've been doing for a while is whining and crying, and bitching. I need to figure out a way to change my attitude and do it.

I need to stop whining and complaining, and buckle down and make some changes. I do need to be patient though, work through my 52 list. Master will be picking a new habit for me tonight. I'm actually excited to see what he picks.

Here's to a new week, buckling down with my habits, and improving my mood!

Take my Uterus, please!

2012-01-28T18:33:00.001-05:00

Ok, I hate my period for a number of reasons, the cramps, the mess, the various body aches and pains, the mood swings from the hormones, etc. etc. BUT! The thing I hate the most is it hinders sex.

Funny thing is, it's not Master that is funny about it, it's me. I have an issue being touched below the waist (and sometimes, above the waist) when I'm on my period. I feel icky and gross, dirty, all that, when I'm on my period.

I am soooo freaking horny tonight too! I made sure Master came tonight though, I could have kept going with him for a while. Funny how that works, my being horny makes we want to go all crazy like on him.

Anyway, I can't wait till the next time we can be together when I'm not on my period.

Sucky day

2012-01-27T22:34:00.000-05:00

I had a crappy crappy day. I think it was compounded by my hormones (that wonderful time of the month), and my blood sugar being off.

It started off good enough, got to nap before work, didn't have to go in till 11. Got up the courage to talk to D about applying for the Lead position. And while he didn't totally shoot me down, he did warn me, that it's not often they will take someone one that has only been with the company 7 months, and is only part time, and move them up to a position like that. The crappy thing is, I really just want a full time teller position, but they aren't giving us that in our branch. So, I was bummed out because of that, then my blood sugar dropped, so I came home for lunch and cried. I felt better by the time I went back to work. Worked, started feeling bummed out again, and then I was out of balance. I called DD to tell her that I was running late, and she tried to tell me all her awesome news for the day, and I had to cut her off, so I could get back to trying to balance. I felt like such a crappy mom. She's sitting at the Y, all by herself, and is excited about her good news, and I can't be there with her. I am still not used to not being a SAHM, being there for her all the time, it sucks sometimes.

Anyway, I cried at work, turns out that another teller was off a similar amount, so we probably did something wrong together. But it sucks, cause I was still out 20 dollars, and I'm trying to get promoted, so that doesn't help.

I ended up not working out, just picked up DD from the Y and we went to McDs together, then did grocery shopping.

Now I've got a headache.

On the bright side, DD made it into the talent show, AND, she is up for testing for yellow belt in a couple weeks! And, Master, and I both have the whole weekend off. (I don't have to work Monday either, so that's something!)

I am looking forward to going to bed and waking up with a better attitude tomorrow. I still plan to apply for the Lead, but if I don't get it, whatever.

As long as I'm making Master happy, that's all I care about!

Being brave

2012-01-26T21:41:00.000-05:00

So, tomorrow I am going to be brave. I'm going to fight every panicky, doomsaying voice in my head, and apply for the lead teller position.

If I get it, I'll totally piss someone off. If I don't, I hope to at least get full time.

I need to talk to my manager tomorrow, to find out exactly what the deal is, what the job position holds, etc.

It is my understanding that the lead teller position comes with a raise, but also more responsibility.

Full time teller comes with a little more responsibility, but no raise.

Both come with cheaper (read: affordable) insurance for my family.

The wuss in me just wants the full time position.

BUT, Master has pointed out, that the lead teller, would be better in the long run.

I keep telling myself, it's like auditioning for a play, audition for the biggest role, and then, if you don't get it, you have a better chance of getting a smaller role. If you only apply for a small role, they will never cast you in a lead!

So, tomorrow, I will put on my big girl panties, take some midol (cause of course I'm having a hell of a period right now) and march into my managers office and find out how to apply for the lead teller.

Here's to being a grown up!

Submissive Blog Hop Challenge #4/ Questioning Your Submission

2012-01-25T21:50:00.002-05:00

Questioning Your Submission

Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Links to others responses here.

Wow, where to start with this one? I think I'll start with the second question. "Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?"

Yes. Many many times, I agonized for years about even approaching Master about the subject. I forget how I actually came across the knowledge of BDSM, but once I learned about it, I researched it, thought about it, tucked it away as a fantasy, thought about it more, researched it more, tried to bury it deeper. Again, this went on for years, about 10 years now or so. I thought there must be something wrong with me. I was raised by a grandmother who was in charge. My sister is what I viewed to be a feminist (turns out, she is a Sub as well!), I grew up with many women around me that were in charge, weren't going to be told what to do by men. My many friends, coworkers, whatever, that were female, also would make comments about men not knowing anything, that they were the ones in charge, etc, etc. So I thought there was something wrong with me that I didn't want to be that way. I am a control freak, but I wanted to be at the mercy of a man (my husband). I wanted him to run the house, to have a firm hand with me. Hell, I would love it if we had a relationship where I was micromanaged.

I also was sure that Master would think I was....sick, for lack of a better word. Not only did I want to be a housewife, caring for the house, taking care of Master, and our daughter, but I wanted rules, punishment, and on top of that, bondage and pain. I thought for sure something was wrong with me. Thankfully, Master was understanding, and willing to learn and try.

As for the first question: "Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you?"

Again, yes. But, I am of the line of thinking that while your fetish may not be my fetish, as long as no one is (unwillingly) being hurt, do what you want. One thing I really don't get are brats. I don't understand why you would WANT to misbehave.

Don't get me wrong, Master and I tease, and play. It's all in good fun. But the girls that are bad on purpose, why would you want to make your Master mad? That is the last thing I want to do, to make Master disappointed in me. I want to make him proud of me, happy, glad to have me as his submissive. Otherwise, what is the point?

With this question, there is actually more that I wish I could do that others get to do, than what I dislike.

But I'm learning to accept what I crave, that it's ok for me to want to be controlled, that it's ok for me to defer to my Master. I love asking his permission for things, like getting a pop, or spending more. There are times when it's inconvientent, but I have learned to ask ahead of time, or just go with out.

I am happy with our life now, and looking forward to where it is headed. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Pain

2012-01-24T21:25:00.001-05:00

Another Journal Prompt from Submissive Guide:

If you are masochist, how do you process pain? Are you the silent type? Screamer? Crier? Is this what is expected of you? How does your partner prefer you to process pain?

Funny, cause last night I realized I can handle pain with MUCH more control than I can handle being tickled.

When I'm being spanked, or bit, I tend to tense up, become very still, and hold my breath. So far, I haven't been pushed to crying, I would like to see how much I could take before crying, or using our safe word. But Master, every so often, pushes it a little further. I do the "quiet screams" into my pillow, or my arm, or what ever.

I don't know what my Master prefers when it comes to pain. To be honest, I think a lot of the pain play is for my benefit, I'm not sure if he gets anything out of it. I appreciate it though, cause I do crave the pain. There have been times I've asked for spankings. They seem to help ground me, so when I feel like life is getting out of control (I'm a total control freak), I find that a good spanking helps me handle things better.

Now tickling, I'm loud, giggling, wriggling around, trying to fight off Master. I have a love hate relationship with tickling.

I do know Master enjoys watching me squirm out of pleasure, but I'm not sure how he would like to see me when it comes to pain.

Tired

2012-01-23T22:01:00.001-05:00

Today was one of those days, just moving from one thing to another, not really thinking about what I was supposed to be doing, or when, just trying to keep my head above water.

And I did that. While I could be using this time right now, since I got home from Girl Scouts a couple hours ago, cleaning the house, I'm not. I'm sore, and trying to conserve energy for tonight, for Master. In fact, I'm trying to hurry and get this stuff (blogging and emails) done, so we can hurry up and have play time before I get too tired.

I tried to do week 2 of the Couch to 5 K. I hurt too bad. I did 20 minutes, and stopped. I need to take my fitness a bit slower, and work my way up to running. I'd rather be able to do smaller work outs more often, than push myself too hard, and not be able to work out for weeks.

Well, I think that's it for today, I want to go play now!

Pms is a terrible thing

2012-01-22T18:38:00.001-05:00

I'm pretty sure I'm PMSing. I'm in one of my, I don't give a shit funks. And I need to shake it off.

I have a pretty full work week ahead of me. I need to get on my sales, Master agrees. I really need to get this full time position when it opens up.

Master picked my new habit this week. It's cooking at least once a week. I plan to increase how often I cook as the months go along. I would really like the majority of our meals to be cooked at home, and as homemade as I can do them. This will be hard for a few reasons, cause I'm not a good cook, cause money is tight, and cause, if I do end up working full time, I won't have a ton of time. I plan to use lots of crock pot recipes, and the Freezer cooking methods (make a bunch of something, and freeze them). But, one step at a time. In order to get in the habit, I plan to start with the few recipes I know, and then build from there as we have money and such.

I have also REALLY come to appreciate the ways Master and I communicate with each other. We email nightly, and he reads my blog. As I said yesterday, I have a hard time with people, and Master is no exception. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm more comfortable with him than anyone, but I still struggle to talk with him about things, especially things that are really emotional for me, or things I'm feeling really shy about. So, I email him. Last night, I emailed him after sex. I love to do that. I asked him a few questions, and shared that theses were things I think of during sex. He seemed to think it was funny what I think of during sex, but I did find out a few things.

I love waking up to his emails, especially when he is awake enough to write a little more than normal. It helps that we don't see a lot of each other. Plus, Master isn't a huge person on sharing his feelings, so every once in a while, I get a little glimse into his mind, and I love that.

I had a great day with him yesterday, I'm spending today getting house work and Girl Scout stuff done. I got laundry caught up, and I still need to do the chin cage.

Tomorrow, while it will be busy, I get to look forward to play time with Master afterward! YUMMY!

Agoraphobia

2012-01-21T21:37:00.001-05:00

I swear I have it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia

I would say I'm just shy, but it's more than that.

It's part of the reason I have hard time with my sales at work, I start freaking out just at the thought of talking to customers about products.

I have a problem at church, because we are supposed to great each other twice during the service, shaking hands and such. I have mini panic attacks each time that happens.

I just have such a hard time interacting with people I don't know. I enjoy going to church, but if I'm alone (Master or DD not with me) I feel so out of place and lost.

I don't mind doing things like going to the gym, I can just put on my head phones and not interact. It's the places where I know I'm going to be expected to interact with people that give me panic attacks.

I said I'd fill in at another branch, I freaked out the night before.

Anytime we are invited to a function with one of Master's friends, I freak out.

I don't know why, I know I'm fine, I know that nothing can really happen, but I hate going into the unknown. I'm always worried about what others think of me.

I hate being this way, but I am. I don't know how to get past it.

Just another thing for me to work on I guess.

Also, found out today from the Boss Man at work, that there will be a full time position opening up, and from the sounds of it, he has his eye on me to fill it. So, I gotta push past my fears and get my sales up up up!

Screw it

2012-01-20T22:18:00.001-05:00

Well, I had typed a big long post, about how I'd like to live in different era's, and then a cat jumped on my computer, and erased it.

So, now I'm not in the mood. Maybe another time.

Had a decent day, only worked 4 hours, had a bit of time at home, went to the Y, did day 3 of running, my calves feel like rocks, my legs are killing me. We ran some errands, and now we are snuggled in the house, watching the snow come down. Not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Especially with the snow....ugh.

But, tomorrow Master is off, so once I get off tomorrow, we will have a nice afternoon, evening, and night together.

So anyway, I'm off to finish my chores, watch Little House on the Prairie, shower and get ready for bed.

Not much

2012-01-19T22:19:00.001-05:00

Don't really have a whole lot to say today.

Worked all day, slow, but a decent enough day. After work DD and I went to the Y. I did the weights, she worked out on the various cardio machines. I ate pretty good today. I'm looking forward to weigh in on Sunday. I am currently working on getting the house tidied up before bedtime, and watching Pink Floyd's The Wall.

Tomorrow I only work 10-2 (awesome shift for a Friday!) and I do have to work Saturday too, but at least that's just 8:45-1:15!

I'm especially looking forward to Saturday after work, cause Master has the day off. Should be a good afternoon and evening!

Anyway, I guess that's it for tonight, just an average day today, but it was a good one, except only seeing Master at lunchtime.

It got better

2012-01-18T21:41:00.000-05:00

So, my day started off meh. I got up with DD at 6, went back to bed once she was off to school. I slept, poorly, for a couple hours. Then there was a knock at the door, they were here to cut down our tree! So, the tree that was dying in our front yard is now gone.

I had to work, it was a short shift, but it's hard, after having so many days off, to get back in the swing of things. Plus we were dead slow. So I was tired all day (4.5 hours) at work.

Got off, came home, and had dinner.

DD and I went to the Y tonight. I was so glad she went with me. I don't want to force her to go, but I'm trying really hard to encourage her to join me when I do go, cause I know she will lose more weight if she does ANYTHING. She told me today that she doesn't want to weigh as much as she does any more. I just don't want to force her to do anything, I want her to do what she wants. But! She did ask if we can go tomorrow, so I'm planning to go! Tomorrow will be weights for me, but I got two days of a Couch to 5 K training done! So, woohoo!

I'm going to make sure I'm in bed at 11. Got a full day tomorrow, plus we are open later on Thursdays. But, I can do it!

Almost over

2012-01-17T20:57:00.001-05:00

My four day weekend is almost over, and, while it had it not so great moments, it was pretty good over all.

It's times like this though, that I really really miss being a SAHM. The flexibility of it, being home with Master and DD when they are home. Being able to do things for them.

I made Master a winter hat, crocheted. He asked me to, which, I believe, is the first time he asked me to make him anything. It only took me a couple hours, I need to tweek it a bit, but it's cool.

I really don't have a lot to say tonight, I'm kind of sleepy, need to get things done, and such. So I guess that's it for the day!

Choices

2012-01-16T23:47:00.000-05:00

Taken from Submissive Journal Prompts

One popular idea is that slaves have no choices once they are owned. Others do not agree with this concept. Is this an accurate statement for you?

Ok, in the USA, technically, everyone has rights. No one can own anyone. Technically.

Now, for me, in an "ideal" M/s relationship, a slave would have no choices. But, that would be in a perfect world. I would love to have a relationship, where I stay at home all the time, where I'm micro managed, I have to ask permission to do everything, all that good stuff. But again, there is reality.

I currently have choices, and Master actually wants my input when it comes to some things. And there are days when I'm glad I have choices. But there are other days, where I wish I didn't. Part of it is, I don't want to be an adult, part of it is, I don't want to have responsiblity, part of it is, I don't want to think. I also am a control freak, so to give up complete control like that, seems very hard, but something I'd love to try.

I hope to work our way up to that. Utter and complete control.

Some day.....

Bitter and sad

2012-01-15T23:01:00.002-05:00

While I love going to my dad's, to see him and that side of my family. I always end up leaving feeling sad, and a little bit bitter.

My mom and dad were never married, and I honestly don't remember him being around a lot. I have a few memories of going to visit him on the weekends. Especially the one house he lived it, it was one of those attached houses (I think they are called a duplex) and I would bring my sticker books with the scratch and sniff stickers and trade with the kid next door. My sister R would come with me (though she had a different dad), and we would eat cold pizza for breakfast. There were times, when he hadn't been around in a long time, and I'd walk home from school, or be playing out in the front yard, when I would see a car like his drive by, and wonder if it was him (turns out it was).

But I go there now, and I see how he is with my brother, my step sisters, and my niece and nephew. And I want to cry sometimes. I feel like I got cheated out of having a dad. While, I know, I should be grateful that he is in my life now, I still long for what could have been, and can't help but wonder, what our relationship would have been like now, if he had been in my life more as a child.

I know parts of it aren't his fault, my grandma told him to bug off (and she can be a bit intimidating) and, as it turns out, he has Aspergers. So while, yea, he should have been an adult, he did have a few opposing forces.

But, when I see how he took my younger brothers after divorcing their mom, seeing how he takes care of my step sister. Watching him with my niece and nephew, changing diapers, playing with them, all that stuff (they basically live with my dad and step mom), I can't help but wonder, why didn't he do that for me? Why didn't he fight for me? Try to see me? Call, write, whatever. It sucks.

So again, while I enjoy going to visit them (for the most part, but that's a whole different rant for another blog entry), and I do love my dad, it hurts, to watch them all together. That he knows my step sisters so well, but not me.

I am so looking forward to the next couple days with Master, it should help even out my emotions.

4 days

2012-01-13T22:22:00.001-05:00

I have 4 days off!

And it couldn't come at a better time. There are changes, blowing in the wind at my work. The "assistant manager" was let go. They are getting rid of that position, so she has been let go. That means D will be our direct boss. We usually go to A for stuff, but no more. *sigh*

BUT! Now there is a possibility that a full time position may open up. So, I have to suck it up buttercup, and work really hard to get my referals, so if the chance comes up, I can take a full time position. While, I don't want to work more. I would be getting more hours, which means more money, PLUS the cost of health insurance would be cut in half, so we would be able to afford it! THAT makes it worth it right there!

Now, onto my four days off. I have Saturday off, we are always closed Sunday, we are closed this Monday for MLK Jr. Day, and I'm scheduled off on Tuesday. Tomorrow I get to go to a meeting for parents whose children are in the Science Olympiad this year, then I'll come home, grab our stuff, and head out to my dad's! We'll stay the night there, and come home some time Sunday. Then Master, DD and I all have Monday off, and Master and I are off Tuesday. It should be fun!

Anyway, I need to finish doing stuff, got the kitchen to clean, laundry to finish, the chinchilla cage to clean, and I need to wrap presents (we are going to my dad's to do Christmas!) Guess I should get my butt off the computer now, time to put on the iPod and jam!

I hate people

2012-01-12T22:31:00.000-05:00

No really, some days I totally do. I'm not a people person, I'm not outgoing at all. I'm shy, and introverted. I'm a "I'll do my thing and you do yours" kind of person. Unless you are hurting someone else, then I tend to find the strength to step in.

I've had a crappy day. This morning I was grumpy, I was tired, and I think my blood sugar was off, cause little things were getting to me. I worked alone with N for a while, she gets on my nerves, so when she showed up with her daughter's cookie order form from Girl Scouts, I was irratated. My daughter has been a scout for 6 years, I brought order forms to work a month or so ago. Her daughter started LAST NIGHT. I really don't care if we share orders, or hell, even if everyone orders from her, but because she already drives me batty, it just bothered me. So there I am, grumpy as hell, and my boss D, comes up and starts his monthly (or so) speech about sales goals, pushing credit cards, and loans, blah blah blah. There is something about when he starts talking about that stuff that makes me shut down. I nod and uh-huh in the right places, but it's really going in one ear and out the other, and it's DEFINITLY not motivating me to sell shit to customers.

By the time J showed up I felt like crying, but she lifted my spirits a bit, and by the time I came back from lunch I felt much better.

We were slow, so I was working on GS stuff, and then we got slammed, things got crazy for a while, N spazzed out like she does when we get overloaded with stuff, and D was just his normal wanker self.

Honestly, I enjoy my work, other than the sales. And what pisses me off the most is, they say, oh, we only want to sell the customer things that they NEED, that will help them. But then they want us to pitch Credit cards to everyone. They say, it's not about the sales, it's about the behavoirs of talking to the customer to find out how we can help them, but then they turn around and tell us we need to get 20 credit cards (the whole branch) a month. To me, those are total mixed signals.

Anyway, there's also Girl Scout crap, but I'll save that for another day.

I had a wonderful night with Master last night. Looking forward to Monday and Tuesday when we both have off, and I'm looking forward (but not as much) to going to visit my dad and his family Saturday and Sunday. Just hope it doesn't snow too bad for the drive there and back!

Love time with my Master

2012-01-11T20:46:00.001-05:00

Had a GREAT day off with Master!

I stayed up late with him last night, so once DD was off to school, I went back to bed for a couple hours. Master was up (which is odd for him) I got up at 9, spent some time on the computer, then we got going on our day. I gave Master a hair cut (shaved his head) and plucked his ear hairs. I love doing things like this. I feel like such a bad slave sometimes because I'm not really good with domestic stuff, like cooking and cleaning and such. So when I am able to do things for him, it makes me feel good, even if it is something easy like just running the clippers over his head.

Anyway, then I cleaned all the hair out of the bathroom. Yes, we could have done this outside and saved the clean up, but it was cold and I didn't feel like standing out in the cold to do that!

Then we went to do a work out at the Y. I went once last week, and did about half an hour on the eliptical, but I honestly haven't been much in the last two months, due to illnesses and time constrants. I'm going to work on getting there as often as possible, and on days I can't make it, try to fit in a little Wii Fit time, or something. I did the weights today. WOW! I've been gone a while, some of those machines were HARD! But I'm glad I went, it was nice to be back! I'm looking forward to going on Friday night.

Then we came home, I showered and we waited for DD to get out of school. She had an early release day, so we ran some errands as a family. That included dinner, and going to Salvation Army, DD got some shirts so she could use her t shirt designer. She already has one done. Problem is, my iron won't work, and you have to heat set the markers on the shirt. So, I'm going to try to run it through the dryer first, then hand wash it like it says and see what happens. It is her practice shirt, a .50 cent yellow shirt, so if it doesn't work, it's not a big deal.

Now, Master is sleeping, and I'm getting house work and such done. I have to work all day tomorrow, and most of the day Friday. I have a meeting after work tomorrow, grocery shopping to do Friday, and packing. Another meeting Sat. morning then heading out to my dad's for the weekend. The great thing is, Master and I both have Monday and Tuesday off, and DD has Monday off as well....

oh the possibilities!

Happy Girl/100 Questions

2012-01-10T23:01:00.002-05:00

First and formost, I had a great day today! Master did so many things today that made me happy, when I came home for lunch, he was up, and making himself something to eat when I came in. I joined him in the kitchen to make my own lunch, and he grabbed my ass at one point and pressed me up against the stove, kissing me, and biting my nexk. at that point in time, I was really tempted to ask for sex for lunch. It would be so great, to be able to fuck during my lunch hour, but alas, I have blood sugar issues and must eat a few times a day.

Anyway, he also sent me an awesome video message on facebook. I tell you again, it's the little things that make me so happy!

Now, because I am tired, and want to save a bit of my energy, here is a fun thing I found on another blog!

Stolen from Curiosity Saved This Kitty

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

1: You Spin Me Round - The Chipmunks

2: Single Ladies - Beyonce

3: Hanky Panky - Madonna

4: Black Horse and The Cherry Tree - KT Tunstall

5: Beautiful, Dirty, Rich - Lady Gaga

6: Stronger- Glee

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Stephen King

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

"The paint was flaked almost to the point of illegibility.

4) What do you think about most?

To be honest, lately, sex and BDSM.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Okay (From my Master)

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

Usually with

7) What's your strangest talent?

I can touch my upper lip to my nose, and I can turn the top part of my ears inside out.

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)

Girls are too much trouble; Boys can be too

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

No, but I was a comic book character (Bubbles)

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?

It's been long enough that I can't remember

11) Do you have any strange phobias?

I can't sleep with my feet uncovered. I'm afraid that something, anything, will reach out from under the bed and grab me.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

On accident, got a fake nail stuck up there.

13) What's your religion?

Catholic and Lutheran mixed. I currently attend a Catholic church, but grew up Lutheran. I do find good in almost all religions though.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Walking the dog.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind for the most part.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Yikes! Where to start....so many, but many are considered single singers, so lets go with....Beatles.

17) What was the last lie you told?

I lie at work, a lot, saying I'll work harder on referrals, when I usually don't plan to.

18) Do you believe in karma?

While it may not be Karma exactly, I do believe that you get what you put out there.

19) What does your blog title mean?

Simply, just me. And I'm just a girl, an ordinary one.

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakness, my insecurity

Greatest strength, my stubborness, I guess.

21) Who is your celebrity crush?

SOOO many, but I'll go with James Spader

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Yup!

23) How do you vent your anger?

Usually talk (rant) to Master, or cry.

24) Do you have a collection of anything?

Stephen King books, pens, stuff.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Never done video chatting, so talking on the phone

26) Are you happy with the person you've become?

Yes, so far, but I'm still on a journey.

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: Forks or knives scraping on a plate

Love: My Master or DD laughing

28) What's your biggest "what if"?

What if I had known what was going on with my sister before it was too late.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

Short answer yes, both are possible, I believe more in ghosts though.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right- Crafting items (knit/crochet)

Left- Kindle Fire

31) Smell the air. What do you smell?

Nothing

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

A port a potty

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?

East

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I have no idea, but I'm attracted to Meatloaf.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life?

To be as nice to your fellow man, live the best life you can, and follow the golden rule, Do Unto Others, as you would have them do unto you.

36) Define Art.

Anything that helps you express your feelings and beliefs. Things that stir up emotions in other people.

37) Do you believe in luck?

Not really.

38) What's the weather like right now?

Cold (but not as cold as normal) , but it was sunny today.

39) What time is it?

10:37 pm

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes, and yes

41) What was the last book you read?

Currently reading:

The Bible

The Gunslinger

S&M 101

(talk about variety!)

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?

NO!

43) Do you have any nicknames?

Yes, my favorite though, is Baby Girl

44) What was the last movie you saw?

Watched Mommy Dearest last night.

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?

Not counting child birth, I guess it would be cracking my forehead open when I was 2 or 3 I don't remember it though.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?

I've had them land on me in various butterfly houses.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now?

OH SO MANY!

Stephen King

Horror Movies

BDSM related things

Secretary (the movie)

I could go on!

48) What's your sexual orientation?

Straight, but I wouldn't kick Drew Barrymore out of my bed. I'm also a slave, and submissive, and masochist.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Oh yes.

50) Do you believe in magic?

I think there is magic out there, even if it's man made.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

It depends, but I have held grudges, and one I don't know if I'll ever let go of.

52) What is your astrological sign?

Aries

53) Do you save money or spend it?

I am a reformed spender.

54) What's the last thing you purchased?

We ate dinner out as a family.

55) Love or lust?

Love

56) In a relationship?

YES!

57) How many relationships have you had?

Depends on what you consider a relationship. More than I care to remember.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

59) Where were you yesterday?

Work and Girl Scouts

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

DD's Kindle cover

61) Are you wearing socks right now?

62) What's your favorite animal?

Dogs and Cats

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

Acting like a little girl.

64) Where is your best friend?

At home sick (if you don't count Master, he's on the couch!)

65) Spit or swallow?(;

Swallow (learning to any way)

66) What is your heritage?

The parts I know are English, German, Norwegian, Bohemian, and Romanian

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Sleeping

68) What do you think is Satan's last name?

I don't think he has one

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

Many times!

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I think, for the most part, yes.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. There is no way I could let a dog drown. I'm sure Master would understand if I got fired under that circumstance.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

A: Family, and friends would know

B: Spend every moment possible with the ones I love

C: While I know there is something better waiting, yes, I would be.I don't like the unknown/

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

No way! They go hand in hand.

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

If I Had a Million Dollars

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

Yea, no.

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

Patience, trust, honesty, love, and humor, just to name a few things.

77) How can I win your heart?

It's the little things, but showing how much you know me helps.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

In some cases, sure.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

To marry my Master

80) What size shoes do you where?

8- 9

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

She was loved.

82) What is your favorite word?

Today, it's wanker.

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Blood

84) What is a saying you say a lot?

I'm tired.

85) What's the last song you listened to?

Defying Gravity- Glee

86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?

Black, Navy blue, Maroon, Hunter Green

87) What is your current desktop picture?

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Ohhh, hmmmm, Lindsey Lohan

89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

It would depend who was asking.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Scream, and try to get the hell out of my room.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Reading minds

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

The first date I had with Master, or when DD was born.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

My sister getting molested.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

If I were single, it would be Meatloaf.

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

England

96) Do you have any relatives in jail?

It's possible, but not that I'm aware of.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?

Probably

98) Ever been on a plane?

Yes

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Why can't everyone get their acts together. Grow up, treat each other right!

100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on blogspot.

1: Turn the Paige

2: Domestic Servitude

3: Curiosity Saved This Kitty

4: Halle the Homemaker

5: One Good Thing

Now, off to play time with Master.....if I can wake him up.

It's the little things

2012-01-09T23:01:00.000-05:00

I like to think of myself as a low maintenance kind of girl. I know I'm not as low maintenance as I like to think, but compared to many many girls, I'm easy peasy! And honestly, while I like expensive things, especially geekery stuff, like laptops, video games, and other technology, I don't need lots of jewelry, make up, clothes, shoes, etc. I have no problem shopping at Salvation Army for my clothes, and buying the no name brand products.

But little things can make me so happy. Today, Master totally made my day by just doing a little thing.

I got out of work at 4:30, cause Master had to work tonight, and I had to pick up DD from Catechism. I finished every thing, and walked out to the car. Now, there are many ways Master can take to work, and one of those ways goes by my work. AND he leaves for work about 4:30. So, I thought to myself, I'll have to keep an eye out for him in case we pass each other on the road. And as I hop into the car, there he is! Much to my surprise he pulled into the parking lot. I waved to him, and he pulled up next to me. He waved to me to come into the car, and I hopped in the passengers seat. He leaned over and kissed me, and told me he just wanted to say hi. In that moment I fell in love with him all over again. We didn't really get to see each other today, so seeing him, just for that brief moment, meant so much to me. The fact that he thought to just stop and say hi, that he WANTED to stop, just for a moment, that meant so much to me.

The moment I knew he was the one, was on our first date. I hadn't been the most innocent of girls by the time we dated. So, I was used to guys....expecting...things.... on the first date. Not him. We went on our date, out to dinner, and he drove me home, gave me a kiss, and sent me on my way into the house. I knew right then, I would marry him. I still remember the way that made me felt. And it's things like what he did today, that make me feel that same way all over again. Gazing into his blue eyes, that were almost like a clear grey today, just make me melt. I love him so much, and I'm so grateful, every day, that he chose me.

Off

2012-01-08T23:39:00.000-05:00

Had it all set in my mind that I was going to post about my experience making homemade laundry soap, and fabric softener. But then I made the mistake of doing a few things. One, is eating a bunch of crap today (and yesterday). Two was watching Food, Inc. It's a documentary about the food industry. It made me feel sick, and helpless, and frustrated. It made me long to live back in the day where you grew and raised your own food. The sad sad thing, it was only about 100 years go when we would have been able to do that. While there are places that you can go to get food from, "regular" farms, that food does cost more, and at the time, we really don't have the funds to spend the extra money, and that's where the frustration and helplessness comes in. It's like the government has got us stuck in a certain spot, and won't help us out.

Ah well, I won't really get into all that here.

Then I decided to do a work out video on Netflix, I chose a Yoga one, but, there was a section of inverted poses, and that made me feel sick too. So, I showered, and took a couple Benadryl's, which have helped my stomach. I plan to have a bowl of Special K and go to bed soon. Thank goodness I can sleep in a bit tomorrow!

Maybe tomorrow I'll post about the good parts of the today.

BTW, lost 2 pounds this week!

Week 2

2012-01-07T23:48:00.001-05:00

Well, the first week of 2012 is coming to a close. I managed to do my daily Bible reading every day (have to do today's still). Some days I did the reading in the morning, some days, before bed. I need to figure out which I prefer and stick to a certain time every day.

I have picked working out as close to every day as the thing to add this week. DD is going back to Karate, so I'll be at the Y at least two days a week. Mondays, unless there is no school, or I have the day off work, will probably be out, but the rest of the days, depending on what is going on, I SHOULD be able to make it. I will just wing it for now, doing whatever I feel like/ have time for, and then, once this habit is set, I can work on what my actual routine will be, including, doing (finishing) a Couch to 5 K program!

I didn't make the laundry soap yet. I got out of work late, we had church tonight, and then I putzed around all night, wasting time on Pintrest (I'm there under AutumnRaine) and tidying up the house a bit. Plus, the buckets Master brought home for me, were pickle buckets, so they smelled like pickles. I soaked them all in bleach water, to get rid of the smell. So, tomorrow will be laundry soap, AND I found a recipe for fabric softener, with all stuff I have in the house!!! So, I'm going to make that tomorrow too.

Well, Sex, Lies, and Videotapes is on, I'm off to watch it, and wish Master was home!

Night all!

Long, but decent day

2012-01-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

Stayed up way too late last night (12:30ish). Totally worth it! Master and I had GREAT play time, at least, I think we did! I really enjoyed myself! He was nice and rough with me, spanking, and biting! It was yummy! There were a few really stingy smacks on my ass that took my breath away a few times!

But, then there was today. I got up at 6, made "Egg McMuffins" for DD and I, showered, got ready for work. I worked open to close (8:45-6:15), then came home, had a bowl of cereal, and ran a bunch of errands.

I got home about 9:30, ate Taco Bell (totally gave into the craving, also got a Coke, which I shouldn't have!)

Now I'm working on cleaning up the house, I need to shower, and I have to work again tomorrow. I'm tired.

But, one thing I'm excited about, I'm going to make laundry soap tomorrow!

I follow Sephani's blog, where she mentioned another blog that has a laundry soap recipe. I went to the store tonight and got enough to make 2 buckets of laundry soap, and, provided Master remembers to bring home some buckets from work, I am planning to make some this weekend!!!

So, I guess that's all, I'm super sleepy, and not looking forward to work tomorrow. I can't wait to sleep in Sunday!

It's a blessing, and a curse

2012-01-05T22:04:00.001-05:00

Responsibility.

It is a blessing and a curse. It shouldn't be, but it seems the world is becoming less and less responsible as a whole. It's so much easier to blame someone else.

I am just so sick of stupid, irresponsible people. I am sick of having to be a responsible person, when it seems like no-one else is. I don't know how much of my being responsible is because I'm just responsible, because I have slight OCD, or because I'm a control freak. If I think about it, those three things are very intertwined. And all three of those things are both a blessing, and a curse.

I can't really think of much else to day. I did go the gym today, it was nice, I'm pretty sure that will be the next thing on my 52 things to do that I'm going to work on.

I had a lovely day off, and a GREAT night with Master last night.

Tomorrow however, I work all day, blah!

Eager

2012-01-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

I am eagerly looking forward to tonight, and tomorrow. I just hope I'm not setting myself up for any let down.

Master doesn't work tonight or tomorrow, and I don't work at all tomorrow, although I do have a meeting tomorrow evening.

And DD is back to school tomorrow.

Which means to me:

PLAY TIME!!!

While tonight has lots of possibility, I'm so looking forward to tomorrow! With the house to ourselves, there are so many more possibilities. I can be as loud as I want. If I want to suck Masters cock in the living room, while he watches tv, I can. If Master wants to bend me over the dining room table and fuck me from behind, he can. We can screw in every room of the house if we want, make any noises we want, try out anything we want, wear as much, or as little of whatever we want.

The possibilities are endless.....ahh the things that are running through my head! Wax, whips, rope. My hair being pulled to lead my head to a hard cock, being dragged (by my wrists, hair, ankles, whatever), into the bedroom to be fucked roughly.....on and on!

One of these nights I need to do some fantasy writing.

Here's to possibilities!

50 Thing I love to do

2012-01-03T21:46:00.001-05:00

1) Spoon with Master
2) Watch The Big Bang Theory
3) Watch Horror Movies
4) Read Stephen King books
5) Go camping
6) Sex
7) Take a hot shower
8) Sleeping
9) Drive
10) Sing
11) Dance
12) Read
13) Be spanked
14) Watch Secretary
15) Eat
16) Crochet
17) Knit
18) Get a massage
19) Have my feet rubbed
20) Wear a collar
21) Wear a butt plug
22) Have my hair pulled
23) Be spanked
24) Watch porn
25) Go to the movies
26) Spending time with Master
27) Spending time with DD
28) Going to plays (especially musicals)
29) Going out to dinner
30) Staying in my jammies all day
31) Spending time with my sister
32) Laughing
33) Napping
34) Shopping at Salvation Army
35) Going to wedding receptions
36) Playing The Sims
37) Setting up new technology in the house
38) Sexting with Master
39) Reading emails from Master in the morning
40) Writing
41) Going to Ren. Faires
42) Dressing up in costumes
43) Being tied up
44) Being my Masters slave
45) Logic Puzzles
46) Drinking Slurpees
47) Going to concerts
48) Drinking Hot Chocolate
49) Sitting at Master's feet
50) Making Master cum

Insecurities

2012-01-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

I'm an insecure person. I'll admit it. If it's something that I don't know much about that I have to do, I ask tons of questions, cause I'm worried I'll get it wrong. And when it comes to relationships, it sucks.

I am constantly driving Master crazy, asking him if he is ok. While sometimes that does mean, the general, are you ok, sometimes it means, are you happy, are you mad? Should I do something, do you want something, do you need something? My are you ok's mean that I'm feeling insecure a lot of the time. The problem is, a lot of time, I end up pissing him off.

Last night I had a dream that he left me. I can't remember why, but that really bothers me when I have those dreams. I wake up, feeling the same emotions I felt in the dreams many times, and some times, they are very hard to shake.

I believe part of the problem is that we haven't had a lot of time together. And, the time we have had together, has been spent with at least one of us, some times both of us, sleeping.

I feel out of touch with him, and he's been working super hard at work, so when he is home, he's tired. I know that, and I know he does love me, but sometimes (lots of times) I need to hear it, and not just in a normal "I love you" way.

There are times when he will goose me, if I'm near where he is, or smack my ass. Sometimes he will come up behind me and kiss my neck, or grab my boobs. Every so often he will tell me how good I look.

One thing that did happen last week, that really made me feel good, was he stayed up, worried about me, when I had to do to the clinic for my eye. I didn't send him updates, because I assumed he was asleep (he had just gone to bed about an hour before), and when he started texting me, wanting to know what was going on, I was surprised, and very happy. When I finally got home, he was still up, and when I told him I was surprised that he was up, he said he was worried about me. That meant a lot!

I know I need to get over this, somehow, but I'm not sure how.

I am just happy my Master loves me, inspite of my flaws!

Amazed!

2012-01-01T22:43:00.000-05:00

I have started off my New Year being inspired.

Today, I watched my little sister run a marathon. It took her a little over 7 hours, she walked the last 8 or so miles, but damn it!, she did it. She moved, in a forward motion, on her own two feet, for over 26 miles. She didn't stop, she didn't give up, she just kept going.

I had originally promised to do the last 5K with her, running. Well, my training got derailed due to illnesses and the holidays, and, as it turns out, she was walking the last of it. BUT, I did walk with her the last 3-4 miles of it. Her husband, my daughter and I went with her to cheer her on. My aunt showed up while she was on her first 6 mile lap. Each lap she finished we came out to cheer her on, help her restock her belt and see her back on her way. Right after she started her last lap, a friend of ours said she was on her way to see her finish. When K got there she went to see where R was on her lap, she was about 2 miles away from finishing the last lap, so K dropped me off on the route and I walked with her. It was nice to have that time with her to talk, to help her along, keep her mind off of the pain I'm sure she was in. Then after that lap she had to walk 1.15 miles out and back, well, my aunt, K and I walked with her. DD was going to, but the winds had kicked up sooo bad, and gotten so cold R didn't want her to get sick. But she was there with the sign she made for R, jumping up and down to greet her when she was done.

My sister has been an inspiration to me many times, the things she's gone through, the things she's over come, the things she's achieved. I'm so glad I was there with her for this one.

I'm hoping that I'll be able to do a 5K this year, we'll see. I'll walk it, if nothing else!

Goodbye 2011!!!

2011-12-31T20:40:00.000-05:00

So, the year is almost over, there are only 3 and a half hours left in it. And it's ending the same way it's been, not that great.

I have an eye infection, due to not taking out my contacts every night, make that, not taking out my contacts for months on end. So, that has given me some issues. My house is a wreck, I've half put away Christmas, laundry is backed up, I'm still on my period, blah blah blah.

But a new year is coming up, and I'm determined that even if the year isn't a great one, I will do my best to better myself in it. I have (most of) my list of 52 things to do in 2012 up. I have a few blank ones, but I'm sure I will come up with things to add to my list. Either new habits, things I want to accomplish, or other things, in the upcoming year. Each Saturday I will pick one to work on, starting tonight.

The first habit I plan to work on is reading the Bible daily. I have bookmarks that list what to read each day, and if you do it daily, you can read through the Bible in a year. This is something I've tried to do on and off for many years, and this year I'm going to do it!

There are many changes I'm going to make in the upcoming year, I'm excited about it. I'm going to be a better me by the end of it!

Weepy

2011-12-27T22:10:00.000-05:00

But not because I'm sad.

I have something wrong with my eye, either a sty, a blocked tear duct, or something. It doesn't hurt, it's not red, the upper eye lid is a bit puffy and my eye keeps filling up with tears. It's nothing more than an annoyance right now, hopefully it will go away before it gets worse. Having no insurance, I really don't want to have to go to the dr.

Had a decent day at work today. Despite my mood (started my period on Christmas), and my weepy eye (annoyance), I managed to have a conversation with my boss, about full time. There is currently only one full time position at my level. With it would come no pay raise, BUT it does come with other things that make me want it. The main thing, being health insurance. Plus, while not having an hourly increase, I would be paid 40 hours a week, compare to 25ish (depending on what I actually work) so it would be almost like getting a raise. I did let my boss know I would love that job. He also made a comment about what potential I have. So, I need to buckle down at work. Don't get me wrong, I work hard. I have no problem with the actual work, and I have no problem with the customer service. It's the sales. I'm not good at sales. But to be honest, I haven't been trying. I need to change that. Adding that to my resolutions.

I need to update my 52 things for next year. That's next on my list of things to do tonight. Along with watching The Big Bang Theory and de-Christmasing the house. Both will be done by the end of the week.

Submissive Blog Hop Challenge #3 Is Submission a Gift?

2011-12-27T18:33:00.001-05:00

Is Submission a Gift?
Submission is often described as the most precious gift a submissive can offer a Dominant. Others don’t believe that submission is a gift at all. What is your opinion about this? Once you have an opinion, then consider the other opinion and talk about how they could or could not be right as well. How would you describe your submission to your Dominant?

Click here to see other's responses

Is Submission a Gift? My short answer, is yes.

My long answer is, it really depends, on who is submitting and who is being submitted to.

Even that's not really a long answer, here is my really long answer, and opinion.

MY submission is a gift. I am a submissive person naturally, but I do not submit to ANYONE who does not treat me with respect. Even if it's not sexual submission, or submission in the BDSM sense. If you do not treat me with respect, I will not be a submissive person.
When it comes to sexual submission, or BDSM related submission, not only do you have to treat me with respect, but I have to feel your dominance. I wouldn't be able to submit to someone who isn't a dominant person. I'm too big of control freak, so I need someone really dominant to take control and take charge.
AND I have to trust you. I am giving over control to you, giving you the reigns. My submission to my Master is in ALL matters, and it's only because I can trust him, that I know he has my best interest, as well as his, and our whole family, in mind. I have given him control over my life, and while many decisions he allows me to make, I know that if he doesn't think my decision is the best, he will say something.
To give control of your life to someone, you have to respect, and trust that person, and to be honest, both those things, having my respect and trust, is a gift as well, so why wouldn't my submission, which rests on those two things, be a gift.

For someone to be themselves, completely, around me. To be able to let their guard down, relax and be themselves, around me, I consider that to be a gift to me, that they trust me enough to let me in. And that is what I do as a submissive, I am myself, completely, to my Master. I give him my transparency, he knows me, inside and out, that is a gift, mine to give, and thankfully, his to take. I like to think, that if I were a Domme, I would find it an honor when a submissive let me know them, inside and out.

I feel this isn't making much sense, but there it is. I think submission is a gift.

And it's DONE!

2011-12-26T22:49:00.000-05:00

Another Christmas come and gone. It was a good one over all, despite dealing with my mother. My sister and brother in law spoiled us, and bought all three of us Kindle Fires. DD liked the gifts we got her as well. It was a good time. I was sad Master had to work on Christmas, but that is a given being where he works.

But, now that Christmas is over, I can not wait to get the decorations put away, and for everything to get back to normal. I'm especially looking forward to the new year, to making differences, to better myself and my family. I am determined to make 2012 a good year. Money is still going to be tight, but that's ok. It's my hope to get at least one of our 5 debts (not counting the mortgage) paid off. At the rate I'm going right now, it should be done by Sept. There are tons of other things I want to do too, which you can see on the page I have dedicated to it.

I found a website: http://idothisfor.me that should help me keep track, but I'm currently unable to add any habits or goals, so we'll see.

I plan to have the Christmas stuff packed up by the end of the week. I work the rest of the week, but then I get a 3 day weekend. After that, I should be pack to actual part time hours, which is a blessing and a curse. Ah well, it is what it is.

Bring it ON!

2011-12-23T00:45:00.000-05:00

I am officially ready for Christmas.

The gifts are bought, and wrapped. The gifts from Santa, and stocking stuffers are set and hidden. Groceries for our contribution to holiday parties are bought and ready to make.

Now I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall.

DD has been sick, thankfully, she is getting better. Still sniffly, still coughing, still has a nasty cold sore on her lip, but she is getting better.

Friends and their families are sick.

Co-Workers are sick.

Not to mention the endless line of customers that come in complaining of being sick.

I'm just waiting to catch it. I'm praying it will be after Christmas.

BUT! If it's not, if God decides I am to be sick for Christmas, I am ready, my daughter and my Master will have a good Christmas, my sister and her husband will get gifts. And to me, that's all that matters.

REALLY????

2011-12-21T00:18:00.000-05:00

WHY!!! Why is my daughter sick this close to Christmas. Poor thing, last week had the sniffles. Didn't think much of it, the weather keeps bouncing up and down, from the 20's to the 50's, and back again. I was sniffly myself, but felt fine otherwise. Sunday night, had tickets to Cirque Dreams. Went with a friend and DD's friend. At intermission DD started crying, and she was burning up. Needless to say we came home. She stayed home sick the last two days, fever, runny nose, cough, and today a huge cold sore showed up on her lip. She was taking a shower tonight, and ended up puking all over the bathroom. She went to bed at 9, and by 9:20 she was sawing logs. I scrubbed down the bathroom (and a good portion of the house, which I will finish tomorrow). I'm hoping, for many reasons, that she will wake up tomorrow feeling better, but we will see. I want to make plans, shit, we already have plans. But now I feel like I'm holding my breath. I don't know how she will be by then, and I have no clue if Master or I will come down with this. It's making it's rounds, stupid people come into work sick all the time, and one of my co-workers was out sick today too. Thank God I have tomorrow off. I need to get back to taking my Vitamin C daily!

Praying for a healthy Christmas!

Pantie free day!

2011-12-19T23:38:00.000-05:00

So, on Master's days off, I have a few special rules. One is my hair must be down (he has allowed me to put it up on a few super hot days) and NO panties.

Originally, I thought that this would just make easier play access on days he was home, especially when I wasn't working. To be honest, he hasn't really taken advantage of that, but I have discovered a few pleasant side effects from not wearing panties.

It has caused me to be much much more aware of my pussy. I smell it. At work, I have to crouch down to get my rolled coin, or on occasion for other things, I can't bend at the hips, it would make me dizzy, so when I need something low, I crouch, with my legs spread. And boy, can I smell my pussy when I do that. I have also discovered, I like the way my pussy smells. Most of the time anyway. I don't like the way it smells during my period, or right after my period. But, like today, in the middle of my cycle, I find it to be a pleasant smell.

I am also aware how wet I get. I'm not sure if it's because I'm aware that I'm pantiless, or if it's always that wet, and my panties normally absorb it, but I am wet most of the day. Thankfully, not pants soaking wet, or running down my legs wet, but wet enough that I went to the bathroom a few times a day just to make sure my period hadn't started.

I wear pants most of the time, but on the occasions I do wear skirts, knee length skirts especially, I am also much more aware of how I move, how I sit, etc. I'm not a lady like person. I sit either Indian style, or with my legs spread, it's how I'm comfortable. I rarely have my legs crossed, unless it's at the ankle. But when I wear skirts with no panties I am very careful how I move, how I sit, getting in and out of the car, and don't get me started about going up stairs!!!!

I enjoy pantie free days, I wouldn't mind if Master requested it more often, but I'm not sure I could do it full time. Maybe one day, we will see!

Almost, but not quite!

2011-12-17T22:46:00.000-05:00

I'm a procrastinator. It's one of the things I hate about myself. I would get so much more done, and probably have more time to unwind and relax, if I would just get my shit done to begin with instead of putzing around. I got home from work a little before 1:30, had lunch, and took a nap. Now, I did need the nap, and it was only about 30 minutes, and it totally helped, but then I basically played games on Facebook the rest of the night. I did get the house tidy, and I did help DD work on her room a little while, which is almost done, and I did get the chinchilla cage cleaned and the basement floor swept. But, here I am, at 10:45, with more on my list todo. Granted, I will have time to do it tomorrow, but, if I had it all done today, tomorrow could have been a blow off day totally.

I need to work on that in the new year, along with many other things.

Feeling on the Ball!

2011-12-15T22:50:00.000-05:00

I like days like today. While I didn't do everything I intended (like cleaning the Chinchilla cage), I am feeling more on top of things and positive. I wish I knew what made the difference, why some days I feel like everything is good, I am in control, things are going to be ok, and why other days I feel like the world is caving in, everything is out of control, and gloom and doom. I know part of it is sleep. Other than that, I'm not sure.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I SHOULD be able to get my Christmas shopping done, I work a short shift, and Master has the day off! We will be going out to dinner as a family, and I'm not sure what else. I know sex is on the agenda as well, and THAT is something to look forward to!

I need to start blogging earlier in the evening. I'm sleepy, and heading to bed!

Blog Prompt: Why do I feel the need to change

2011-12-14T20:45:00.000-05:00

Why do I feel the need to change.

This is something I am constantly doing, and it's because I want to be the best me I can be.

I know, that sounds cheesy, but it's true. I'm constantly trying to be more organized, have a cleaner house, and better relationship with God, Master, family in general, friends. I want to read more, work out more, be healthier, be smarter, have more time, feel more rested, do more, save more money, etc. BUT! I struggle with all of it. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth it, if I should just go with the flow, would I enjoy life more? Stress less? But then, I get something in my head, about how life should be, and then I go changing more. I have a feeling I'll be this way the rest of my life. I feel bad for Master, cause he has to deal with me getting my crazy notions on how things are going to be, and he is stuck going along for the ride. But I'm usually doing what I do to make our lives better. I hope he understands that.

7 is the magic number

2011-12-12T22:03:00.000-05:00

Not 3 (for all you Schoolhouse Rock fans out there!)

Last week I was dragging ass all week. I was trying to figure out why, and, while I know, part of it was due to being that time of the month, it was because I was only getting 6 hours of sleep. I have also in the past, gotten TONS of sleep, and still dragged my ass. But last night, I was in bed by 11, got up at 6, and got tons of stuff done before and at work. I would have gotten more done before I crashed, but DD had her school Christmas Concert tonight, so we spent most of the evening dealing with that.

But now I have a problem. I'll use tonight as an example.

Master is home, now, I could go to bed at 11, and get up tomorrow at 6 and get tons of stuff done around the house, cause I don't have to be at work till 11am. BUT! We were planning on fooling around. Which would be fine, but Master is asleep. Now, if I do stay awake, I could go back to bed for a while once DD goes to school, but then I'll get less done tomorrow. I also don't know if 7 broken hours of sleep will work as well.

Anyway. I got "good" news today at work. They hired another teller. So I'm going to be back to actual part time hours, instead of 36 hour weeks. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind working, and I LOVE the paychecks, but I feel like I'm not able to get a damned thing done around the house. And I don't get any time with Master, which sucks. Like tonight. It's time like these when I struggle with being a submissive, cause with out connecting with my Master, I feel lost.

When did that happen?

2011-12-11T22:42:00.000-05:00

When did I become an adult? I don't remember it happening, and I still feel like the same person (pretty much) as I did when I was 16. I can be responsible, but I don't want to. Then again, I wonder how many adults DO want to be responsible. How many people would much rather just play, have fun, than work and such.

I also have a daughter on the verge of becoming a teen ager, and I hate that! She is 11, but I swear to God she is already PMSing, and her moods are getting to be not so great. I had a talk with her today, after my sister mentioned that she noticed a bit of an attitude from her. I'm hoping that will help for a little while.

But I'm realizing I do need to suck it up, and start doing more, as much as I don't want to.

I'm thinking about making a list, of 52 things to do this year, one for each week. Either a new habit, or something that I've been putting off for far too long. I think it's a good idea, and for the rest of this year, I'll work on making the list. It won't be in any certain order, but I WILL do 1 thing each week. Be it starting a new habit, or just something getting done.

Here's to being a grown up in 2012!

New rule, and some random thoughts

2011-12-11T00:42:00.000-05:00

So, I requested new rules from my Master, and he decided that I should refocus on the ones I already have, as I've been slacking, but he did allow me to add that I need to blog every night. So, today is the first night of that.

I am looking forward to the new year, I want to, and need to make some changes and plans. One thing I'm excited about is that Master says we will be getting iPhones and iPads this year, wooohooo!!! He says we will start with our tax returns, this will be one year I'll be doing taxes ASAP! I am also hoping my extra hours keep up, cause then we should be able to buy them fairly quickly too!

I am debating on going back to head covering too, something that I've done in the past, but stopped doing. I'm feeling the call to do that, and wear dresses more (maybe not full time, we'll see), but I need to talk to Master about his thoughts first.

Anyway, it's getting super late, and Master and I need to get up (fairly) early for CHRISTMAS shopping for DD!

Here's to blogging on a regular basis.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2011-11-11T22:51:00.000-05:00

It's time!

I need to make changes, and I have been.

Health wise, our family joined the Y, I just added new machines to my weight routine today. I am also on week one of a Couch to 5K program. I am doing this for a few reasons. One, is to look hot. I'm going to be honest, that's what this blog is for. I don't feel hot. I used to be hot, I just didn't realize it then, but I want to be hot again. Second, is because I think being in shape will improve our sex life, better endurance, better flexibility, etc. I just want to be healthier too, I want the whole family to be healthier.

That being said, my Master has been working out as well, mostly on the weights, and I'm so happy and excited about that. I worry about him, I don't mind that he is a big guy, not at all, but I want him to be healthy so he will be with me a long long time!

Also, our daughter has been going too. She and Master have gone swimming a few times, she has done the various cardio machines, and she is in Karate, she is a white belt, working on her first stripe.

Then there are the financial changes. I just finished reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover, and I would like to follow his plan. I'm working on selling stuff on Craigslist and eBay, to get us started (and to help cover Christmas). I also opened a savings account to use for next year to save for Christmas, then I'll be able to buy people what I WANT to buy them! Not just the bare minimum! So, I'm excited about that.

With all that in place, I need to work on a routine, so I'm also going to figure out a plan for keeping the house tidy, and then one for deep cleaning the house on a regular basis.

I'm not going to fool myself, the house won't be up to the standards that I want, but I will keep it decent.

I will also be getting more hours at work, at least for now. Which is a blessing, and a curse. I don't enjoy working, I won't lie. I don't mind being a bank teller, I can handle the customers, even when they are asses, and I can handle the money, and balancing. What I hate is the fact that they make us sell things to every customer. I don't mind if a customer could use something, like a person that has a large amount of money in a checking account, earning no interest, of course I'll recommend a savings. Or if a person has a mortgage with 7% interest, of COURSE I'm going to tell them they need to refinance! But to push credit cards on people that can already barely make ends meet, I don't want to help them dig them selves into the hole I'm in. So I won't do that. But, our branch just lost a teller, she got a new job, so there are more hours there, plus there are other branches that are short handed, and I'm helping out a few days at one of them as well. While I would much rather only be working the 24 or so hours a week, but, we need the money, and as I'm a slave, and part of this family, I will do my part.

And, I also plan to start cooking more, I went through my crock pot cook books this evening, and made notes of recipes I'd like to try. I'm thinking maybe 2 a week to start.

I'm excited about all these changes, for the good. I know there will be set backs, but the point will be, not to let them get me down, and stop me.

Submissive Blog Hop Challenge #1 | 25 Things

2011-10-25T12:39:00.001-04:00

This month’s challenge: 25 Things About You and Your Submission

Since this is the introductory Blog Hop on Submissive Guide I want you to sort of introduce yourself and share some interesting things about yourself and your submission. You can choose to focus on anything you wish as long as you stay within the topic.

1) My Master and I have been married for almost 14 years.

2)We have been together for almost 17 years.

3) I was 19 when we first started dating.

4) Our marriage started out vanilla, we have only been working on the D/s, M/s aspects for about a year now.

5) I am 35, my Master is 48.

6) I am the one who brought up BDSM, he had never heard of it.

7) I was a SAHM for 11 years, and just started working again this July.

8) My Master works midnights, I work days, so we have a very limited amount of time together.

9) We have an 11 year old daughter with Autism.

10) I am a Girl Scout leader.

11) I am a huge fan of the horror genre, both books and movies.

12) I am doing my best to "teach" my Master what it is to be a Master. (So to speak.)

13) He had me create my "alter ego" (Autumn Raine Skye), when I told him I wanted to reach out to other members of the BDSM community, online.

14) We don't have nearly as many rules, protocol's or routines as I would like.... or THINK I would like.

15) I write my Master 2 emails every night before I go to bed.

16) Because of these emails, and my writing the occasional fantasy in them, my Master has discovered that, according to him, I am a very good writer. Hearing that made me very happy.

17) I am a very shy person, and submissive in general, not just with my Master.

18) I would do anything to be a SAHM again.
19) I have recently discovered that I would like to play more with a belt.
20) I really enjoy spankings
21) I asked my Master if I could call him Master, and I'm still working on getting used to it.
22) My Master and I are working on changing aspects of our lives, including eating healthier and working out.
23) There are times I wish he was a bit more firm with me.
24) I sometimes feel I don't do all I should be doing for my Master
25) I love my Master and plan to spend the rest of my life with him.

If you enjoyed my list, check out this link where there is a list of all the other participants!

Getting healthy

2011-10-06T23:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, really, I need to loose weight. I need to get in shape, I need to eat better and work out more (or just work out, since I don't work out at all right now!) So, with some encouragement from a fellow Fetlifer, I signed up for myfitnesspal. Under the same username, Autumnraineskye. If anyone wants to friend me there, feel free!

SO! Tomorrow, I start drinking my water, eating more fruit, tracking my food, and exercise, and I will be squeezing in more exercise time.

I want to do this for many reasons, to be able to do more sexually, to look hotter, to feel better in general, to have more energy, to be able to wear cute clothes, and to be a good example for my daughter. I'm guessing at my starting weight until I get a new (used) Wii, but I am shooting for 130. I'm only 5'2" so 130 is ok. Most sites say someone my height should be 120, but we'll see.

I'll be posting my weightloss ticker at the bottom of the blog. I also plan to set aside some blogging time. I need to get into some better habits, and that starts tomorrow! For now, it's bedtime!

Darn it!

2011-09-22T22:57:00.000-04:00

So, I had this GREAT idea for a blog topic, even had part of it all figured out in my head. I started tidying up the house for the night, and checking email and such, figuring, before bed, I would write my blog.

And now it's gone.

I have no idea what I was going to write about.

So, since I can't remember what I was going to write about, I'll write a bit about this.

I've started watching a show on Netflix called "Obsession" It's about people with OCD. Now, while I don't claim to be any where near as severe as the people on this show, I do suffer from OCD. I pick at my skin, anything I view as a pimple, or possible pimple, I pick at. Then, when it's a scab, I pick that. I can keep at some, especially on my arms, for a long time, till they are really sore and bad. I also have some Trichotillomania. Usually in major stress, or if I find a pimple in my hair, I pull the hair around it, till I have a bald spot.

Now, I have never cut, but I have had urges to do so. I refrain from that, and I have discovered recently, that being spanked, totally helps that.

I have started asking Master, when I'm feeling super stressed, to give me some spankings, and it totally helps me, and grounds me and centers me. I love it.

I think that's all for now, I hope I remember what I wanted to blog about. I will say, from now on, unless I'm someplace I can't get to my computer, I will blog right away when I have a great idea.

I am also interested in finding a way to have people ask me questions that I can blog about. If anyone has ideas on that, let me know!

Fahrenheit 451

2011-09-20T23:35:00.000-04:00

Ok, I know I should be ashamed for writing this about the movie, and not the book, given what both are about, but I just saw the movie, and I LOVED it.

I am a horror geek, I love all horror books and movies, and while this is not technically a horror movie (book), to me, it is the ultimate horror.

I don't want to go into too great detail, I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who hasn't read/watched it, but if you are a lover of books, please, at least, watch the movie.

I cried at the end.

I may go into more detail at another time, but it's 11:35, and I must call Master to say good night, and get to bed. Just wanted to share a bit.

Followers?!?!

2011-09-20T18:48:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'll admit, I've let my little blog go to the wayside. There have been a few reasons for this. One is because I'm busy, and I'm trying to learn to balance all of the aspects of my life, work, home, Girl Scouts, mother, wife, slave, etc. So I've let some things go. One thing I know I need to work on is not wasting time. I also have totally slacked on my working out.

Another reason, and the main reason, as selfish and egotistical as it sounds, no one was reading it. Master may read it now and then, but I doubt it.

So! Imagine my surprise when I signed on today and found I have two followers!

That being said, I will try my best to post at least once a week, hopefully more often.

For now, I must go and get my chores done.

Something to look forward to!

2011-08-20T20:58:00.000-04:00

So, this past week, we have upped things a bit. I'm asking permission for more things, I am calling Him Sir or Master in private (or at least trying to, will post about that another time) and Daddy or Babe in public. And our sex life has been kicked up a notch or two. So, I'm on day one of a four day weekend. Master is working tonight, and tomorrow, but he also has Monday and Tuesday off, so we are going to have some fun, both family and private. Today we picked up the one car that just got fixed (and cost us way too much money), and we went to church as a family, DD was on Altar server duty. Tomorrow DD and I are going with our friends (my BFF and her daughter) to the local Art Museum, and then Monday and Tuesday are FAMILY days! We are going to go to the water park one day, and then no idea the other day, maybe some back to school shopping. But, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights....there is going to be some FUN being had in our bedroom! I can't wait. And I am going to be more diligent about calling him Master and Sir in private! (Again, will post about that later) but for now, I wait!

Pennies from Heaven

2011-08-14T23:05:00.000-04:00

So, I was in a good little slave mood, and doing housework today. After Master left for work, and I got the main floor of the house all cleaned up, I went to vacuum. I did our bedroom and noticed the vacuum was letting off a burning smell. I figured it was because the bag was full. I was right, so I emptied the bag and headed to the basement to see if there was a new one. I went to the pantry, and found the little box where they had been before. As I was pulling it out, I remember taking the bags out of the box, but I checked it anyway. Sure enough, I found our Hannukah and Advent candles in the box.

As I went to put the box back, I noticed that the shelf liner had moved, and there was paper under it. I grabbed, it and realized it was a bank envelope. My hands shaking, I opened it, and found a bunch of twenties inside. On a whim I check under the rest of the liner, and found 4 more envelopes.

My mother in law must have stashed them there at some point.

We live in my Master's childhood home. When his parents passed away (his father over 8 years ago, his mother, just a little over 7) we inherited and moved into the home.

Anyway, his parents always took care of us, they bought us a deep freezer when we got married, along with a monetary gift, they bought us a car once, although, that was supposed to be a loan, but any time we tried to pay them back they wouldn't take it, things like that. And now, when times are tough, and we barely have enough money to buy bread and milk, she sends us this. I know she is looking out for us from above. And it's appreciated!

Disappointment

2011-08-11T21:24:00.000-04:00

So, last night was a night of disappointment. It turned out to be good sex, GREAT sex in fact, but not exactly what I was hoping for. Here's what happened:

Daughter had a sleep over at a friends house planned. Master worked the day shift, and I didn't have to be at work till noon the next day. Master did have a soft ball game but we had a kinky night planned. I had sent him a list of things I would like to try, and he was going to pick some to do, since we would have the house to ourselves. We were also going to go to the bar with his friends, and out to eat after the softball game. (We don't drink, but we would have gone to hang out with friends.) I had also planned to meet Master at the door, wearing nothing but a collar.

BUT!

The mom of the other girl forgot. This is the second time she has done this, and she has also done some other things to prove her unreliable.

My daughter, who is autistic, was devastated. She was crying. Not only did she now not have a sleep over to go to, but she has also turned down a chance to go to a friends house for the day, because she thought she was going to go to the other friends house.

So we had a make a rule. No making plans with this friend anymore. If she wants to play right then, that's one thing, but we are not making plans ahead of time with them.

So, it sucked all around, for her, and for us.

People suck!